


roadblocks

by peona



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Caregiver, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, Mild Blood, Minor Anxiety attack, Minor Injuries, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nursing, Pacifiers, Thumb-sucking, babyspace, little!jisung, mild anxiety, reluctance to be little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peona/pseuds/peona
Summary: Jisung is done with letting this affect him. No more will he accept it, and he’ll shove all these feelings down farther than ever. He doesn’t need to be a little, he can be normal. He was normal before, and he’ll do it again.(Jisung is a little, but can't accept it.)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Everyone
Comments: 118
Kudos: 550





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> requested by anon: little jisung who isn't open about regressing yet. he thinks it's weird and tries to push it down. then he as a difficult day at dance practice, and gets scolded by chan. and he slips into little space.

Tears stream down Jisung’s cheeks as he reads. He hasn’t felt like himself in awhile. Something changing inside him one day at a fansign for Stray Kids, and Jisung hasn’t been okay since. 

***

He’s sitting by Jeongin, smiling and talking to each fan as they come up to him. Everything is normal, the fans giving them cute gifts to play with. Jisung is wearing multiple necklaces and bracelets, at least two headbands in his hair. But then a fan gives Jeongin a gift that makes Jisung pause, a weird sensation settling in him. 

Jeongin is laughing as he holds up a toy baby bottle, scolding the fan in front of him gently. The two of them are arguing back and forth about how he’s not a baby, but Jisung couldn’t tear his eyes away from the bottle. His hands were unconsciously reaching for the item, but then a fan coughed in front of him, and Jisung snapped back to attention. 

He finished signing for the fans as quickly as he could, and when he was done his thoughts gravitate back to the bottle. He wanted it, and it was just  _ sitting  _ on the table, untouched. Without a second thought, he snatched it up, examining it for himself. The nipple was white, and the cap holding it in place was a bright pink. It was oversized, and Jisung giggled to himself as he thought about filling it up. That would be way too much milk! It was pretty, and Jisung liked it a lot. He wanted to keep it. 

The fansign finished like that, and Jisung brought the bottle home. A few teasing words came from the members, but Jisung returned them in good fun. Despite him teasing them back and smiling, something about the members calling him a “baby” unsettled him. When they get back to the dorm, Jisung shoves the bottle deep in his closet, and vows to forget about it. 

He had forgotten about it too, until just a moment ago. Jisung is beyond exhausted, but he can’t sleep. As he lays on the couch, TV blaring in front of him, his thumb enters his mouth without him noticing. Jisung feels himself getting sleepier as he sucks on his thumb, and just as he’s falling out does he realize what he’s doing. He jolts awake, looking down at his wet thumb in horror. 

He’s a teenager, nearing adulthood more than anything, so why is he sucking his thumb?! Babies suck their thumb, not soon-to-be twenty-year old’s. The thumb sucking flashes him back to the bottle incident, and Jisung feels ashamed. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, he’s never wanted children’s things this way before. 

But then Jisung really stops and thinks about it, and realizes he  _ has  _ wanted these things before now. A few times that he’s eaten out with the members, Jisung has held himself back from asking for the placemat and crayons they give small children. He’s felt unsafe crossing the street by himself, and so much more he can’t even remember. 

He starts to feel sick, and in a desperate attempt to solve this once and for all, he drags out his laptop. He sets his internet browser to private mode and then types in his question. 

_ why do I want to do things that small children do?  _

Taking a deep breath, he clicks the search button. Deep searching through hundreds of  _ “10 ways kids appear to be acting bad but aren’t” and “101 things to do with your kids”  _ Jisung finds something that sounds like him. 

It’s a chat forum from some random website, and the question asked sounds just like him. 

_ Am I a little? For almost all of my young adult life I have enjoyed things meant for kids. Feetie pajamas, pacifiers, cartoons, and coloring are some of the things. I also want to be taken care of like a child would. Does this make me a little?  _

The word  _ little  _ stands out in his mind. Jisung’s never heard the word used this way before, and he needs to know what it means. He clears his previous search and types in a new one, “ _ what’s a little? _ ” staring at him. 

_ A little is a person who likes to act younger than they really are. Most littles don’t act little twenty-four seven, but when they do it’s called “slipping into headspace”.  _

Jisung spends hours reading about little space and littles. By the time he’s done he’s on the verge of sobbing, identifying so strongly with what he’s seen that it aches. Having a name to what he’s been feeling lately is a relief, but it’s also terrifying. Jisung can’t help but think about what people would think of him if they knew, and he whimpers. 

Now that he’s acknowledged his wants and needs, that he’s a little, his desire to be little is strong. There is no way Jisung can let himself have that though, it’s wrong, he knows it is. And even if it wasn’t wrong it’s far too weird, Jisung just wants to be normal among all else. 

It’s then he decides he won’t give in. Jisung won’t let himself be little, he’ll suppress it. As much as the thought tears him apart, Jisung knows it’s the right decision. Should he ever let himself be little and get caught, it could break Stray Kids apart. Jisung loves his group, and would never risk being kicked out or the group disbanding. He’s suppressed this side of him for so long already, how hard could it be to continue? 

***

Suppressing his little side is harder than Jisung thought it would be. Now that he’s aware of it, all Jisung wants is to be able to slip, to go to his headspace and relax. Despite his insistence to not be little, Jisung has continued to research about it. Hearing about how relaxing it is to be little has been even more of a temptress, and eventually Jisung can’t stop himself. 

Laptop open and loaded to a web page titled “Self Care Guide For Single Littles”, Jisung gathers his other things. The page says that to make being in headspace without a “caregiver” less scary, he should first do some Big things: 

  1. Make yourself a list of things that will make you happy when you’re expressing your inner-you. 



He pulls his notebook from beside him, red pen in his hand. He begins to write things he thinks he’d enjoy, tongue poking out his mouth as he concentrates. Drink from a bottle, suck on a pacifier, watch kid’s shows, color, play with blocks, and wear crazy fuzzy socks. Jisung finishes his list off with a flourish, and reads the next suggestion. 

  1. Invest in yourself. Using the list you’ve created, begin purchasing baby/little necessities. 



He plans to buy the items he needs whenever he’s allotted free time next, and checks the other steps. The next steps talk about making a schedule and rules, and stick to them. If you stick to your rules and schedule, it says to reward yourself. Jisung finds these to be all too easy, and finishes these quickly. With his new schedule for regressing, Jisung smiles for the first time since he discovered himself. 

*** 

Finding time to regress proves just as difficult. Whenever Stray Kids have free time, the other members are always around, leaving no time for Jisung to be by himself. The dorm will be quiet, and he’ll just be readying to pull out his pacifier (it’s pink with yellow stars) when someone bursts into his room. He’ll shove his box of little things back under his blankets, and spend the rest of the day with his friends. 

Without finding time to regress, Jisung is starting to feel the effects. He’s becoming sensitive, snapping at anyone for the smallest of things. Felix crashes into him on his way to the bathroom and Jisung says harshly to him, “watch where you’re going!” Not only is he unreasonably moody, but Jisung is struggling with daily tasks. 

Stray Kids are backstage at MCountdown, and they’re eating their lunch while they wait for their pre-recording. Jisung is just staring at his food, a pair of chopsticks in his hand. For the life of him he can’t get his hands to make the proper motions, every attempt he makes to use the utensils being too clumsy. He can’t get any food to his mouth, and when the chopsticks once again slip in his grip, he gets so frustrated that he throws them down. 

They make a clang as they drop to the floor, but Jisung ignores the sound. He picks up the meat on his plate with his fingers, popping it into his mouth and chewing. He fully intends to keep eating with his hands, even the side of noodles that he has, but he’s stopped before he can. 

“Jisung,” Minho’s voice says. Jisung winces at the heavy, stern tone.

“What?” He can’t stop the attitude from lacing his own voice, still touchy and embarrassed to boot. 

“Use your chopsticks. Have some manners,” Minho snaps back at him. Jisung feels like crying, he hates being in trouble. The thing is that Jisung  _ wants  _ to use chopsticks, but he can’t. No matter what he does he can’t get it to work, and suddenly he wants to throw a fit. 

“No!” He denies. He won’t eat with anything except his fingers, no matter how many times he’s scolded. 

“Jisung, I won’t tell you again,” Minho insists. Jisung glares at the older, and crosses his arms over his chest. 

Speaking through clenched teeth, he says, “Don’t worry about me and how I eat. Worry about yourself.” 

Jisung turns his gaze away from Minho then. He can tell the older is angry and disappointed with him, and a hole makes itself out in his chest. Jisung barely holds it together enough to not start crying, digging his nails into his hands.  _ “I can’t here. I can’t be little now. Have to be big. Have to stay big.”  _ He repeats this phrase to himself until he finally calms down. 

Jisung doesn’t finish his food. Nobody, including Minho, says a word. 

***

“Why isn’t this working?!” Jisung yells at no one in particular. He’s in his studio, no one except himself present. He’s trying to finish this song, and he’s so close too. But where his brain can’t think of any more lyrics, his hands are also not cooperating. Again. Whenever Jisung drags the pen across the page to write something down, it comes out in scribbles. It’s like he’s forgotten how to write. 

Jisung knows it’s a side effect of not being little in far too long, but it’s infuriating. He just wants to be able to do what he wants, and with his writing capabilities out the window, he’s getting angry. 

“Come on! Write!” He yells again. His hand is moving all over the paper, red lines appearing from the ink of his pen. When he pulls his hand back, it’s to see that no words have been written. Instead, it’s more scribbles, and that breaks him. 

Jisung sobs at his desk, feeling smaller than ever. Chan doesn’t rush him ever, but Jisung sets his own personal goals when writing his lyrics. Usually he gets his lines written in fifteen minutes or less, and it’s a swing at his pride that he’s been struggling for  _ hours  _ now. Jisung also knows that despite not rushing him, Chan needs him to finish this part. Without Jisung’s lyrics, the leader can’t finish the rest of the song, and thus can’t present it to the company. With a comeback always lingering around the edge, they’re always being asked to present new songs, and Jisung is screwing this up. 

His incapability is going to make it harder on Chan. He’ll be mad at Jisung because he’s— he’s been bad. Bad boys don’t finish their homework, and bad boys get punished. Jisung doesn’t want to be punished. 

The tears keep flowing, and they’re making his cheeks raw, hurting him. He rubs furiously at his eyes, but it doesn’t help, and he doesn’t even have his paci. He needs his paci, why doesn’t he have his paci? 

“Jisung?” A voice calls outside the door, and the sound shocks him back into being big. Leaving his little space so quickly has him feeling dazed, but he still manages to answer back the voice. 

“Yes? Who is it?” 

“It’s Chan hyung. Is everything alright in there?” Jisung’s blood runs cold. Chan can’t know, no one can. Jisung is still so ashamed of this side of himself, he can’t bear the rejection and disgust his members would have if they knew. 

“Yeah, everything is fine hyung,” he tries to sound as convincing as possible, though the long pause before Chan speaks says it doesn’t work. 

“Are you sure? Can I come in?” 

“No! Don’t come in!” He responds quickly. Chan sounds hurt when he replies again, but Jisung tries not to dwell on it. 

“Okay. Call me if you need me, yeah?” 

“Yes hyung. I’ll call. See you back at the dorm,” he says. Jisung hears footsteps walking down the hall, and lets out a sigh of relief. He decides right then and there, to never let his little space get to him again. Forget regressing by himself, forget all of it. He won’t get caught, he  _ can’t _ .

Jisung is sure now more than ever, that he hates being a little.

He hates how it affects him, how he can’t do the simple things he always has. Writing, eating, even getting dressed and tying his shoes has become a problem. Jisung fumbles through it all, and the embarrassment he feels doesn’t end. 

Jisung is  _ so  _ embarrassed all the time now. He’ll be talking with one of the members and suddenly notices his speech is different. He has trouble with thinking of bigger words, and instead of saying something like “I’m hungry”, he’ll just come out with “eat!” He’s been asked one too many times what he wants because he can’t express himself the same, and he can never get what he wants across. 

He’s done with letting this affect him. No more will he accept it, and he’ll shove all these feelings down farther than ever. He doesn’t need to be a little, he can be normal. He was normal before, and he’ll do it again. Jisung wishes he’d never seen that bottle, that the fan had never given it to Jeongin. He never would’ve uncovered his real self, and then there wouldn’t be all these risks. 

The risk of losing his best friends is high, because they’ll be disgusted. He can hear now how they’ll say he’s weird, and that it’s sickening he wants to be treated like a child. They’ll kick him out, saying that a gross weirdo like him can’t be around them or Stays anymore. He’ll get sent home, and even then he can’t be himself. There’s too much fear, too much anxiety behind all of this to be worth it. 

He’s done. Jisung will never let this other side of him out again. 

  
  


***

  
  


Of course, things don’t go his way. 

Jisung should be used to everything getting messed up, but for some reason, he let himself believe it was all okay again. He shoved his little aside, and has been able to perform simple tasks on his own again. He can eat without suspicion, shower without mixing up the shampoo and conditioner, and tie his shoes again! It’s been great, and he’s even been able to ignore the emptiness he feels. Jisung is sure he’s back to his normal self, until he wakes up one day feeling so much  _ not  _ like himself. 

The emptiness is louder today, and he feels completely drained. Jisung has no energy for anything, and yet they have practice. Maybe he could’ve struggled through vocal practice, or even through practicing his rap. But today is dance practice, and he knows before it even starts that it’s not going to be easy. 

“Again!” Chan yells. They’ve been dancing this part of the choreography for an hour now, and it’s still not right. Jisung knows it’s mostly his fault, small mistakes happening here and there. His feet aren’t obeying him, but he’s pushing through. He has to get this right, he has to stop holding the group back. 

Except the harder he focuses, the worse he does. And this time, when Jisung messes up, he  _ really  _ screws it up. He trips over his own feet, stumbling and landing on his hands and knees with a painful  _ thud!  _ Silence encompasses the room, and then Chan’s voice is ringing out. 

“Han Jisung!” His tone is sharp, angry. Jisung shrinks in on himself from his place on the floor. 

“You keep making mistakes today. I know you’re prone to messing up the choreography, but it’s never been this bad. What’s going on?” Chan bites out. Jisung’s hands are shaking, fear eating him whole. 

“N-nothing. Nothing is wrong,” he lies. Lying seems to be a mistake on his part, as it only fuels more mean words from Chan. 

“Don’t lie to me!” Chan roars. “I’m disappointed Jisung, I never expected you to so blatantly lie to my face.” With that, Jisung's whole world shifts. 

The words are devastating. Jisung has never wanted to be a disappointment, he just wants people to be proud of him. Hearing those words from their leader, from his hyung he admires so much, shatters him. 

And Jisung drops. 

He slips into his headspace, and he knows he’s not going to pull out. His knees are still aching from the fall, and he’s sobbing. The members are surrounding him, and that scares him more. He scrambles backward fearfully, wide-eyed with his wet cheeks. He’s hiccuping as he looks from member to member, and when he makes eye contact with Chan the older takes a step towards him. 

Jisung sobs louder, crawling on the floor until he finds anyone but Chan. His hands make contact with Hyunjin’s leg first, and his fists clench onto the fabric of his pants. Jisung pulls at Hyunjin’s pant leg, yanking desperately until the other gets the idea. Hyunjin sits down on the floor, and once he’s down there Jisung crawls into his lap. The ability to make words comes back to him briefly, and he cries into Hyunjin’s neck. 

“My knees, my knees,” he whimpers, his voice pitched high. 

Hyunjin is stunned, and unsure what to do in this moment. When Jisung starts squirming uncomfortably in his lap from the lack of attention, Hyunjin’s brain catches up and he finds a way to respond to Jisung’s cries. 

“Baby, what about your knees? What’s wrong with your knees?”

“Hurt. Jinnie, knee hurt!” He sobs. Hyunjin shushes him, rocking them in their position on the floor. 

“Jisung—“ Chan tries to approach again, but Jisung stops him with a loud and frightful, “no!’

Hyunjin holds his hand up in a sign for Chan to stay back. If Jisung was looking, he would have seen the hurt and regret on the leader’s face. But he’s not looking at Chan, instead he’s looking around at the other members over Hyunjin’s shoulder. While Hyunjin is calming him down, Jisung makes eye contact with Jeongin. Jisung’s lower lip wobbles as fresh tears well up in his eyes, and he’s reaching his arms up and out to the other. Jeongin runs over to Jisung, picking him up. 

“My Jinnie, my Innie,” he murmurs into Jeongin’s neck, hand hanging down so that Hyunjin can hold it. He settles down like that as Jeongin gently bounces him, one hand holding Hyunjin’s, the other in his mouth. Jisung doesn’t have his pacifier, so he comforts himself by sucking his thumb. It’s soothing, and helps bring him back down. 

The other members have all approached him at this point, and Jisung has let them all near him except Chan and Minho. Chan scared him and made him sad, Chan is too mean to Jisung’s Little mind. And Jisung has not forgotten the day Minho wouldn’t let him eat with his hands. Minho was mean too, and Jisung is scared of mean people. 

“Innie, let go,” Jisung mumbles when he’s feeling better, and Jeongin sets him down. He sits down, looking at his two hyungs across the room. 

“Hyungie’s mean. Hyungie’s hurt Ji’s f-feelings,” his words don’t come out exactly right, but Jisung is proud of himself. He got his point across like a big boy! 

“Jisungie, hyung is sorry. Hyung didn’t mean to upset you,” Chan says. Jisung gives him a wary look, not trusting the leader’s words completely. 

“Jisung, whatever I did wrong I’m sorry for it too. Hyung doesn’t intend to be mean, and Hyung is sorry if he ever was,” Minho holds his hands up in a placating manner. Jisung isn’t ready to forgive either boy yet, so he turns away from them. 

“Innie… Ji tired,” Jisung mumbles, slumping against the boy’s chest. His thumb goes in his mouth again, and he closes his eyes. 

“Guys… we have to take him home. He can’t sleep here,” Jeongin voices. 

“Alright, everyone pack up. Practice obviously won’t be continuing for today.” Chan tells the room with a sigh, and everyone scrambles around to grab their stuff. Hyunjin grabs Jisung’s bag for him, slinging it over his shoulder. As Jeongin carries him out of the practice room, Jisung hazily hears Chan say something to Hyunjin. 

“When he’s okay again… we need to talk about what just happened.” 

“I know hyung, and we will,” Hyunjin assures. The conversations flies over Jisung’s head, and he snuggles himself further into Jeongin’s shoulder, before falling asleep. 

*** 

They get Jisung home, and Jeongin carries him to his room. He’s leaning down to lower Jisung to the bed gently, and has him almost completely down when he whines. Jeongin shushes him until he falls out again, but every time Jeongin tries to lower him onto his pillows, he cries again. The final time it happens, Jisung wakes up fully. 

His hands are clenched tightly in Jeongin’s shirt, small, tired noises escaping him. Jeongin realizes he’s not going to be able to put Jisung down without getting in bed with him, so he climbs in. He settles Jisung against his chest, but something is still upsetting the boy, his whimpering noises not stopping. 

“Shhh baby, haven’t you had a long day? You should sleep now, don’t fight it. Innie is here, Innie will keep you safe,” Jeongin says anything to comfort the boy, rubbing his back gently. His words don’t settle the other down though, and Jisung fusses in his arms. His puffy eyes and sleep rumpled hair are adorable, and Jeongin almost cooed at him. 

“Where my Jinnie? Need my Jinnie,” Jisung whines and—  _ oh! _ That makes so much sense. Jisung was attached to Hyunjin at the practice room, of course he’d still want him at the dorm. Jeongin whips out his phone, texting the group chat and telling Hyunjin to come to his and Jisung’s room. The older boy shows up quickly, and climbs into bed when Jeongin motions him to.

Once Hyunjin is in the bed, Jisung positions himself between the two boys. His back is against Jeongin’s chest, and his face is snuggled against Hyunjin’s front. Hyunjin runs his hands through Jisung’s hair gently, fingers slipping through the knots easily. His heart clenches when Jisung makes a little suckling noise, stuffing Hyunjin’s shirt into his mouth. Jisung falls asleep like that, warm and content between the two. 

None of them understand what happened today, but they handled it the best they could. Hyunjin and Jeongin both know that this topic will have to be discussed eventually, and they both dread the possible ways Jisung could react. All either of them know is that they want to support Jisung in whatever this new side of him is, all of them do. And whatever bad things they have to get through, they’ll work through them. 

Everything will work itself out in time, so the two let themselves fall into sleep as well, putting their worries aside for later. After all, they’ve got a cuddly boy in between them, there’s no room for worry right now. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jisung and the members talk.

Jisung wakes up sweating. He’s usually never a hot sleeper, and he can’t recall ever waking up this warm before. His sleep addled mind is confused, but as Jisung becomes more awake and aware, he noticed another unusual thing. Jisung sleeps alone. He rarely ever finds himself sleeping with the members, mostly because he needs his space in his bed. Jisung loves cuddling, but he loves being able to spread out more. All of this doesn’t explain why he’s suddenly surrounded by his two members, and not in his own bed to boot. 

He’s in Jeongin’s bed, and as he connects more dots Jisung begins to panic. He’s in Jeongin’s bed, with Jeongin and Hyunjin caging him in, after he had a breakdown during practice and slipped into little space. Oh god, he was  _ little  _ in front of everyone. He promised himself he wouldn’t drop, not by himself and  _ especially  _ not in front of the members. But one little scolding and Jisung broke down wailing like a baby. Shame creeps in him, spreading throughout his whole body as his throat gets tight. It’s hard to breathe now, and he can’t be between Hyunjin and Jeongin any longer. 

He scrambles to get out, climbing over Hyunjin’s body hastily. Usually Jisung would run to his room when he needs time to himself, but he’s already in his room, there’s nowhere to go here. Blindly, he stands in the middle of his room, thinking where he can go. Suddenly, the bathroom pops in his mind, and Jisung runs out the door of his and Jeongin’s shared room. The door slams behind him, but Jisung doesn’t have time to wonder if the noise will wake the other two. He rushes to the bathroom, and locks the door behind himself, back pressed against it as his legs finally give out underneath him. He slides down the door, and rests his head against his knees as he begins to cry. 

Jisung’s not sure how long he cries for, but his tears are interrupted by a rather frantic knocking on the bathroom door.

“Jisung hyung! What’s going on in there?” 

It’s Jeongin’s voice, and Jisung cannot handle talking to him right now. He sniffs, wet tears still streaming down his cheeks. 

“G-go ‘way,” he calls, and his heart breaks a little when he hears retreating footsteps. He had been expecting Jeongin to fight him, but he just left instead. Jisung really messed up this time. 

A few minutes later and there’s voices outside the door again. Jisung is beginning to wish he chose another place, maybe took a walk. He forgot their dorm only has one bathroom, and that it would be a popular spot. 

“Jisung… it’s Chan hyung. Jeongin and I are worried about you. Will you please open the door?” Jisung tenses at the sound of the leader’s voice. What happened with Chan at the practice room is still fresh in his mind, and Jisung is scared of what Chan thinks of him. He must be more of a disappointment to him, and that sinks his feelings even lower. 

Despite the fact he wants to keep crying against the door, Jisung knows Chan won’t give up until he leaves. He shakily pushes himself up off the floor, turning around to look at himself in the mirror. He sighs at himself, blonde hair wilted on his forehead, and bright red eyes staring back at him. He wipes his face clean quickly, and braces himself for what waits outside. 

He pushes open the door slowly, and when it’s wide open a body slams into his own. Jeongin is clinging to him desperately, and Jisung hesitantly wrapped his arms around him. 

“Hyung, I was scared. I woke up and you weren’t there anymore. Then I heard you crying in the bathroom, and you told me to go away,” Jeongin tells him. Jisung tunes out the younger’s rambles, confused as to what is happening. 

_ “Why is he acting like this? Doesn’t he think I’m disgusting?”  _

“...What?” 

Jisung is pulled out of his head by the sudden question. What does Jeongin mean by asking ‘what?’ And then, Jisung realizes he said his thoughts out loud. Fuck. 

“Why would I think you’re disgusting? None of us think that way about you. Channie hyung, tell him,” Jeongin turns around to address the older, and Jisung’s eyes flit over to him. 

Anxiousness is what Jisung feels waiting for Chan’s reply. He knows the older is displeased with him, the words have rung clear through his head since they were spoken. He fears that Chan will think even more ill of him, and it breaks his heart. Jisung doesn’t want Chan to think he’s weird or call him names, not when he was the first one Jisung allowed himself to be close to as a trainee. He’s relied on Chan for so long, to have the oldest look at him differently, would shatter him. 

“Jisung, you aren’t disgusting. You aren’t weird, and you aren’t any other negative word you could think of. You’re perfectly fine the way you are, you’re fine as the person you are,” Chan speaks with conviction. Jisung’s lower lip trembles, trying to hold back from crying some more. 

“I-I’m not a disap-pointment?” He asks, needing to know, to be sure. 

Chan’s face is full of sorrow as he replies, “no, you’re not a disappointment.” 

The words are a huge relief, sending shockwaves of happiness throughout him. He doesn’t know how to react, so he just stands there, a tentative smile on his face. Jeongin and Chan both seem to feel the relief Jisung is feeling, as matching smiles spread across their faces. They stand there in the hallway, grinning at each other and not speaking. The moment is interrupted, eventually, when a sleepy voice says, “I need to use the bathroom.” 

Jisung snaps his gaze to the new person, and he quickly moves out of the way. Changbin pats him on the shoulder as he passes by, hand warm and reassuring. He enters the bathroom, and Jisung takes it as their cue to go back to their rooms. He begins to make his way back to his and Jeongin’s shared room, but Chan speaking again stops him. 

“We need to… talk later. As a group, about what happened. Will that be ok Jisung?” Anxiety eats at him at just the  _ thought  _ of addressing what happened in that practice room, but Jisung knows he has to. He can’t leave his members in the dark after such a display as the one he put on, and they deserve some sort of explanation. Unable to reply verbally, too nervous to confirm with words, Jisung nods his head. Chan gives him a nod back, and with that Jisung is free to go back to his room. He does, Jeongin trailing behind him. 

***

His thoughts are spinning, and the stress is too much. Jisung hoped he would’ve gotten it all out crying in the bathroom, but his shoulders are tight with tension. With the team meeting Chan has called looming, Jisung is so scared. If he doesn’t calm himself down he knows he’ll end up slipping again, effectively ruining everything. Inside his room, Jisung searches through his things semi-frantically. Inside the back of the closet, he finds a pink hooded sweatshirt, front pocket lining the bottom. It’s one of his comfier sweatshirts, and Jisung snatches it off the hanger.

He throws the hoodie over his head and pulls it down, sleeves drooping past his hands. He sighs, the sweater having to be enough for now to calm him, and climbs into his own bed. Hyunjin is sitting with Jeongin on the other’s bed, staring at him contemplatively. Jisung shifts his eyes back and forth, Hyunjin’s gaze never breaking. Eventually being fed up with the uncomfortable feeling of being watched, Jisung sighs in exasperation. 

“Ok, what’s with the weird staring?” He asks frustratedly. Hyunjin stays silent for a moment longer, and Jisung is just about to explode when he finally answers. 

“Just wondering what’s upset you so much. You ok now? I was gonna come with Jeongin to check on you before, but he made me stay here,” Hyunjin pouts. Jisung’s heart squeezes hearing how much Hyunjin cares about him. 

“Yeah, I’m ok now… I don’t want to talk about what upset me right now though. I hope that’s fine,” Jisung’s eyes fall to his feet where they’re pressed into his bed. 

“Ok. Later, maybe?” Hyunjin suggests. 

“Yeah, later,” Jisung says quietly. 

“Alright! Enough of all the awkward. Do you hyungs wanna watch a movie?” Jeongin claps his hands together loudly, huge grin spreading across his face. For the first time since he woke up, Jisung perks up. Seeing the other’s reaction, Hyunjin rushes to agree to the movie. 

They set it up on Jeongin’s laptop, and the three of them spend the whole movie cuddled together. Jeongin and Hyunjin insisted Jisung pick what they watch, so they pulled up Disney+ and put on Sleeping Beauty. Jisung has always enjoyed animation, and princess movies have ranked among his favorites. Not even realizing what’s happening, Jisung points at the screen where Aurora is dancing with the prince and exclaiming excitedly.

“We look like twins!” He giggles, pulling at his blond hair, and pointing at his pink hoodie. He doesn’t notice the fond looks the two are giving him, too absorbed in the movie. It ends, and Jisung is just about to suggest they watch another when there’s a knock on the door. All three heads snap in the direction of the door, to see Seungmin standing there. 

“Chan wants to talk now.” He says, and the anxiety comes back. 

*** 

Jisung practically shoves Hyunjin and Jeongin out of the room. He promises them he’ll be out soon, but that he needs to do something first. Reluctantly all three of the members leave, and once the door is shut Jisung runs to his bed. He pulls out his box where he keeps his “special” things, and rummages around until he finds what he’s looking for. He finds it, pulling out his purple pacifier quickly. He shoves it in his pocket, fingers clutching onto the thick plastic. Jisung prays the paci and sweatshirt will be enough to keep him grounded, and after taking a deep breathe, he leaves his bedroom for the main room. 

Jisung enters the room to see all his members waiting for him. They’re crowded around, the couch mostly full (except a spot clearly saved by Hyunjin for Jisung) and the rest of them are on the floor. 

Jisung keeps his eyes on his feet as he walks, shuffling across the room until he’s seated between Hyunjin and Felix. It’s quiet, no one knowing how to really start. 

The silence would’ve persisted too, had Chan not cleared his throat. Jisung snapped his head up at the sound, slightly startled. The smallest sounds can scare him, but he relaxed when he realized the sound was just the leader. Chan smiles awkwardly, and then forces a straight face as he gets the ball rolling. 

“Jisung, I asked everyone here to talk not to put you on the spot, but so that we can all understand each other. Can you explain what happened yesterday?” The older is gentle with his words, but Jisung still flinches. 

“Um… yeah,” he says quietly. The leader nodded his head in a gentle manner, indicating that he may speak now. 

“I-I don’t know a whole bunch yet, I only just realized and learned of this myself...” he digs his nails into the nipple of the pacifier inside his pocket, praying he doesn’t break it. He relaxes his fingers a bit, thumbing over the plastic again as he tries to continue explaining. 

“There— there's this thing… they call it a headspace. It’s referred to as ‘little space’ and...” Jisung pauses again, pulling his hands out of his pocket to wrap them in his hoodie. The sweater paws remind him of the comfort this sweater brings him, and he continues. 

“Little space is when someone regresses mentally to an age that isn’t their physical age. Someone who has a little space can be twenty physically, but eight mentally,” Jisung surveys the room, trying to gauge how the members are taking it so far. It’s a pretty useless glance around, for all the members are wearing poker faces, and Jisung can’t get a handle on any of their thoughts or feelings. 

“So at one of our fansigns for Levanter, a fan gave Jeongin a baby bottle. I couldn’t stop staring at it, and I wanted it for myself. It was big and funny, I thought about filling it with milk and trying to drink from it...” Suddenly he realizes what he’s saying, and immediately feels ashamed for admitting to that. They didn’t even ask, why did he overshare? 

“Um… anyway, I couldn’t stop thinking about it since then, and I started paying more attention to myself. I noticed things I was unconsciously doing, and it scared me. I looked it up online, and that’s when I found… the thing about little space.” 

“It hit me hard. Everything I read, I couldn’t stop thinking ‘that sounds like me’ and I didn’t want it to be me. I still don’t want it to be me, I don’t want to be like this. Like a freak,” tears roll down his cheeks without his consent, small sobs wracking his body. Hyunjin moves to hold him, but Jisung shoves him away. He can’t have people trying to take care of and comfort him right now, it would be too much. He tries gathers himself, tears still streaming down his cheeks but the ability to form words coming back to him. 

“I’ve been suppressing my headspace, my little space. You’re supposed to let yourself be little, do the things you want that everyone says are only for children. But I haven’t tried it yet, and it’s been taking a toll on me. That’s why— the meltdown at practice. When y-you y-elled at me, I slipped. I-I was in my little headspace, and that’s what happened.” He finally finishes, and Jisung lets out a huge sigh. He reverts his eyes away from his members again, no longer having to pretend to make eye contact. No one says a word, and Jisung feels sick. It’s a bad sign, they think he’s gross, and weird, and they’ll call him names—

“You don’t need to suppress it,” Jeongin says. Jisung blinks up at him, confused as to what the other is saying. 

“What?” 

“You don’t need to suppress your little space. You shouldn’t do things that will hurt you, and suppressing it seems to hurt you a lot,” Jeongin looks unbearably sad as he finishes. Jisung still doesn’t understand. 

“B-but it’s weird. I’m weird...” 

“You aren’t weird,” comes from Felix next to him.

“I just told you I want to act like a baby and be taken care of like one, how is that not weird—“ 

“Jisung, why do you have a little space?” Minho interrupts. Jisung lets out a shaky breath. 

“Stress relief mostly. It makes me feel lighter, and whole again. Like all my worries and anxieties can be gone for awhile, and I can just be. T-that’s what I assume it would feel like, at least. I’ve never regressed and let myself play before.” 

“Ok, so you have a little space because it helps you de-stress. That doesn’t make you weird, it makes you human. We all have different ways of dealing with our stress, you shouldn’t hold back yours.” Jisung didn’t expect any of these responses he’s getting, why are they being so nice and accepting of him? When he can’t even accept himself? 

“This is all a lot for me to take in. And I can’t say it makes me comfortable, but as a team we can’t have you falling apart like that. So if this… little space thing can help you, then you should do it,” Seungmin mumbles, also staring at his shoes. 

“Can you tell us more about this Jisung? Is there anything we as your members can do to help?” Changbin asks. Jisung feels hope grow inside him.

“Littles— that’s what the people who regress are called— they can be little on their own, but they do better when they have a caregiver. Someone who takes care of them, plays with them, and who loves them,” Jisung’s words seems to sink in, and suddenly there’s jumping and shouting. 

“I’ll be your caregiver Sungie!” 

“I want to take care of you hyung!” Hyunjin and Jeongin yell over each other simultaneously.

Jisung smiles, relieved and surprised beyond belief to have volunteers. 

“I am willing to take care of you too, Jisung,” Chan smiles at him. 

“I… I’m surprised you guys would do that for me. But I can’t pick now. It’s not something you can just point a finger to and go with. A bond has to form,” he explains, heads nodding their understanding. 

“A-anything else?” He asks, hoping they respond with no. But instead, question after question gets fired at him, and he shrinks in on himself. Chan manages to calm the room down, reminding the members to speak one at a time. Jisung finds it funny when hands are raised in the air instead. 

“Since you’re a little and part of that is regressing to a younger age, do you have any baby stuff?” Felix questions first. Jisung stills, grip tightening around his paci. Does Felix know? Has he seen Jisung’s secret box before? 

“I don’t have a lot. I only bought a few small things...”

“Is one of them what you’ve been fiddling with this whole time?” Minho asks. Jisung’s blood runs cold. How did he get himself caught, he thought he was being so secretive. 

“I don’t— I haven’t been fiddling with anything?” He tries to play it off. Jisung can tell Minho doesn’t believe him, but he also sees the older is going to drop it. The members don’t want to make him uncomfortable, and that makes his shoulders slump. He squeezes the pacifier one last time, before he pulls his hand out of his pocket, and opens it palm up. 

The pacifier is on full display for the room, dark purple plastic shining. Jisung shuts his eyes tightly, finding it unbearable to look at his members. After a few seconds he closes his palm again, shoving it back into his pocket. 

“It’s my paci. It’s one of the only things I have. It helps calms me...” Jisung still won’t look at them. 

“It’s a pretty paci Ji,” Felix says. Jisung opens his eyes, glancing at Felix to see his sincerity. There’s a gentle smile on his face, showing Jisung he really means what he said. Jisung sends a small smile back. 

“Ok, so besides you needing more things to help you feel and be little, is there anything more we need to discuss?” Chan addresses Jisung. Hesitating, Jisung thinks about it. He promised himself he wouldn’t be little, so he shouldn’t get more toys, right? But then again, his promise was made when the members didn’t know, and they’ve been very supportive so far. Maybe he can allow himself this? Jisung doesn’t know any of what he wants, and that’s what pushes him to tell Chan his next words. 

“If I regress… I want to do it alone the first few times. I don’t know much about what I like and don’t like when I’m little, since I haven’t let myself be in that headspace. I need to get to know that side of me more.” Chan nods his head in understanding, and Jisung is relieved he agrees. 

“You can’t be completely alone though! What if you get hurt by yourself?” Hyunjin has a pout on his face, worry tainting his features. 

Jisung considers this, and tries to think up a compromise. He doesn’t want interaction with the members right away, but he supposes he wouldn’t be upset or hurt if they were just in the room when he was little. 

“As long as I get to play alone and discover things, I’m ok with someone being in the room. Just, don’t try to take care of me yet, I want to figure this out first,” he tells them. The members seem to like his solution, and Jisung feels true happiness. 

“I think we’ve talked everything out now. Jisung, thank you for sharing with us, you were very brave,” Chan says gently. It sends warmth through his body, Jisung letting a giggle slip out as he overflows with positive emotions. He hasn’t felt like this in far too long. Despite how scary it was to open up to his members, how bad it could’ve gone, Jisung is glad he did it. Because it went far better than he anticipated, and now he might just get to be himself. 

He can be happy again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be jisung letting the members take care of him!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is little for the first time.

Jisung takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly. He’s on the floor in their living room, surrounded by his toys. After the talk with the members went so well, Jisung had allowed himself to go online and buy some things he wanted. Unbeknownst to himself, some of the members also went online and bought him things, so Jisung has more than enough options to play with. 

It’s his first time being in a situation where he knows he’ll be little. He’s both excited and nervous to see how he feels, and find out what he likes to do when he’s regressed. He’s not sure how this is supposed to start, but he figures that’s ok, and picks a toy to get started. 

He picks up a bouncing ball (Minho gave it to him) and throws it against the floor. The ball bounces high in the air, and Jisung gasps. There’s colors inside the ball! He laughs high pitched as the ball bounces, it looks like it could hit the ceiling! His eyes follow the ball everywhere it bounces, anticipation of where it’ll land building in him. It starts to lose its momentum, and ends up rolling against the couch leg, finally still. Jisung crawls over to retrieve the small ball, and passes it over in his hands. He likes bouncy balls, especially ones that light up, he decides. 

Bored of the ball already, he rolls it away from himself and looks back at his pile of stuff. There’s a teddy bear that Hyunjin gave him (white fur and a big red bow tied around the neck) and there’s some play-doh. Jisung wants to play with both of them, making small little noises as his hands reach for the bear. They’re just about to make contact, when his eyes catch sight of a bag of building blocks. 

He yells, snatching his hands back and racing over to the blocks. He picks the bag up and dumps the blocks all over the floor. The blocks are made out of foam, Jisung picked them out specifically. He figured he could avoid getting boo-boos if his blocks were soft, and he adores them. He holds a green block in his hand, examining it. It’s rectangular in shape, and long. Curiosity has him bringing the block up to his mouth, and places it in. It’s soft against his teeth, but he resists the temptation to bite down. He can’t ruin his blockies! They’re too pretty. He pulls the block out of his mouth, looking at how the green got darker where it’s wet. 

“The blocks need glue!” He shouts, placing the wet green block down. He puts more blocks in his mouth, getting them wet and placing them on top of each other. The wet spots are “the glue” and Jisung is proud. His tower will never break now! 

He grabs the teddy bear when he’s done, and hovers it over the tower. 

“Grrrr,” he makes the bear growl, as it attempts to destroy his tower. He moves the paws in a swinging motion, just missing his tower each time. He makes sound effects every time the paws soar through the air. 

“Pow!” “Zoom!” “Bam!” 

On the next swing, he shouts a loud “boom!” and the bear’s paw finally connects with the tower. It falls apart on the ground, and Jisung gasps in horror. He drops the bear, scrambling to catch his falling blocks. 

“Tower!” He cries, holding the pieces in his hands. “Tower…” he sniffles. He worked so hard, and it was supposed to be in… indestruct--? It wasn’t supposed to fall! He’s sad as the blocks lay in his hands, and little tears fall down his face. 

Seeing that the boy isn’t moving on from his destroyed tower, Hyunjin can’t take another minute of watching the little cry. 

“Baby, why don’t you make another tower?” He redirects, hoping to spike the little’s imagination again. Jisung turns his head to look at him, sad, red eyes devastating. 

“No new tower! Want other tower!” He whines. Hyunjin nods in understanding, and once again tries to redirect him. 

“Okay, how about you play with a different toy then? Hm? You haven’t tried your puzzles from Channie hyung yet.” 

That suggestion seems to work, as Jisung lights up. “Puzzles?” He drops the blocks, wiggling to get his puzzle boards. The one puzzle board is wooden with little pegs to pick up the pieces. It’s a farm animals puzzle, and Jisung has to put them where they go. He picks up the one peg, a cow staring at him. Jisung frowns as he looks at the board, wondering where the cow goes. He places it in many different spots, but none of them fit. He’s just about the throw the piece in frustration when the piece slides into place. 

He claps his hands happily, excited he put the cow where it was supposed to go. The puzzle continues this way, Jisung celebrating every time he puts another in the right spot. He continues to play with his puzzles for a while, until he’s interrupted by a sharp smell. His head snaps up at the smell, it’s food, someone is making food.

His tummy grumbles, and Jisung’s hands shoot down to his stomach. He sniffs, holding his grumbling tummy in confusion. He doesn’t like the feeling that the sound is accompanied by, it makes him feel bad. He wants it to go away. He doesn’t know what to do though, he doesn’t know how to make his own food, and he’s too shy to ask. He’s getting more upset as the noises and feelings continue, and he starts to whine.

Loud whines leave his mouth, but no one comes to help. Jisung knows he asked to be alone, but he doesn’t want to be alone now. He’s getting stressed by the minute, and his whines start to turn into cries. Little sobs fall from his mouth as he continues to clutch at his tummy, and suddenly Hyunjin is in front of him. 

Hyunjin is frantic, pulling Jisung into his arms and rocking him. He shushes him, but questions him at the same time, and the influx of talking is overwhelming him. He doesn’t understand what’s being said, and while he likes being held it’s not helping his tummy. He interrupts the frazzled boy, whining out “hungry!” 

Hyunjin’s quick talking stops immediately, pulling Jisung back a little from his grip. 

“You’re hungry?” He asks. Jisung nods his head, crying some more.

“Hungry!!!” He says one more time through his tears, and Hyunjin seems to understand at that. 

“Oh, of course you’re hungry! It’s past lunch time baby. I’m sorry, I should’ve realized earlier,” Hyunjin pulls away from Jisung completely, readying himself to go make the little lunch. Jisung whining again stops him though, and he looks down at the boy. Jisung sticks his arms out and up, pout on his face. 

“Up!” He begs, lower lip wobbling. Hyunjin feels a smile growing on his face, and he bends down to pick the boy up. He carries Jisung into the kitchen, and sets him down on the floor. Jisung looks around at the other members who are making their food, or sitting down to eat. Jisung watches Changbin pull a plate from the microwave, walking to the table they have in the kitchen. He sits down, and Jisung stares at his food. He finds himself crawling over to where the other sits, and pulling on his pant leg. Changbin looks down at him, fork paused midway to his mouth. Jisung points at his open mouth, and says “ah!” Changbin smiles sweetly at him, and he lowers his fork back to his plate. 

“You want some of my food?” He asks him, and Jisung rapidly nods his head.

“Ah! Ah!” He keeps pointing at his mouth, hoping Changbin will start feeding him. He doesn’t get the desired result, because instead of putting food in his mouth, Changbin picks him off the floor instead. He places Jisung in his lap, and the little bangs his fists lightly against his chest. 

“Ah! Food!” He yells. Changbin just laughs. 

“Calm down little one, I had to pick you up so it’s easier to feed you,” He comforts him. Jisung’s face lights up, and he drops open his mouth again. 

“Don’t feed him too much! I’m making him his own lunch!” Hyunjin’s voice calls out. Changbin rolls his eyes, making Jisung giggle. Changbin gathers some food on his fork, and begins to feed Jisung. He shares his food with Jisung this way, a bite for the little after every three bites he takes for himself. Jisung squirms happily on his lap as he eats, satisfied that the weird grumbling stopped. 

Just as Changbin’s plate is wiped clean, Hyunjin’s voice travels through the room again. 

“It’s ready baby!” Hyunjin bounces into view, holding a plate of cooled down pizza, cut into bite sized pieces. Jisung makes grabby hands at the plate as Hyunjin sets it down in front of him. Changbin tries to move out from under Jisung, but the little won’t budge, forcing him to keep sitting at the table while Jisung continues to eat. Jisung polishes off his pizza quickly, as he was still so hungry even after eating half of Changbin’s lunch. When he’s all done he slides down from Changbin’s lap, running back to the other room where all his toys are. 

He plays hard, using all the energy he gained from lunch. Now that he ate lunch with his members, Jisung isn’t so shy anymore and asks them to play with him. Felix tries to teach him air guitar, and Chan shows him how to hit the floor like it’s a drum. All the physical activity tires him out quickly, and suddenly all he wants to do is sit down. He grabs his teddy bear from the toy pile, hugging it closely as he crawls to the couch. Once he reaches the couch, he puts his arms up to be picked up again. Minho sweeps down and picks him up, putting him on the couch next to himself. Jisung snuggles into his side, bear clutched to his chest, while he puts his thumb in his mouth. 

Minho runs his fingers through his hair, and through the fuzziness of his head Jisung registers being asked a question. 

“Do you want your paci or baba?” He nods his head, not taking his eyes off the tv, where Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is playing. Minho laughs lightly at his answer, as it didn’t really give away what he wanted. Hyunjin seems to make the decision for Jisung, walking to his room and getting his pacifier. Jisung replaces his thumb with the paci, and they sit watching the tv quietly. It’s peaceful and none of them even notice when Jisung falls asleep, too absorbed in their own drowsiness. After a while they lay Jisung out fully on the couch, and everyone gets to cleaning up the mess of the day. 

“I’d say it went well right?” Chan grins, picking up a shoe that was tossed across the room at some point. 

“Yeah, it went really well! Though I want to play with him more next time. Hyunjin hyung stole all the attention,” Jeongin complains. Amused laughs float through the room at Jeongin’s attitude, and Hyunjin sheepishly rubs at his arm. 

“I’d say I’m sorry. Except I’m not. He’s too cute! I can’t help but steal him,” He finishes. Jeongin lets out a “hmph!” but drops the issue at that. 

They get the room looking normal and not like a train wreck again, and then all retire to their rooms. It’s late, and after a long day of playing with the little, they’re all beat. Hyunjin and Jeongin agree to cuddle with Jisung again, not wanting to give him up for the night. Jeongin carries him to their room again, and then they sandwich him in once more. Neither of them fall asleep quickly, preferring to pet Jisung’s hair while he sleeps and soothe him anytime they fear he’ll wake up. It’s a rather restless night, and maybe Hyunjin almost falls out of the bed three times, but none of them care. This is the way they want it, and this is the way it’ll be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i feel like all my ending scenes are with them sleeping LOL. sorry about that...i know this chapter was a bit of a tease but i promise more interactions between him and the members will be coming soon. this took me a bit longer than it usually does because i was busy preparing to see skz in nyc! it was the best time ever so if you havent seen them yet i'd definitely suggest going to the rest of the tour! they're truly the best boys :') if you have any ideas/suggestions of what you want to see little jisung doing with the members please comment them!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung plays with the members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks pontdesarts for all the editing you had to do on this chapter lol <3

Jisung’s hair is a bird’s nest. He woke up today feeling little, and so Jeongin immediately jumped into action. They’ve unintentionally fallen into designated roles when Jisung is little, and one of Jeongin’s tasks is to help Jisung get dressed. He went to sleep feeling little too, so Jisung is in his fuzzy pajamas. It’s a top and bottoms set, little clouds patterned across the fabric. His blonde hair is sticking up in every direction, and he’s rubbing his tired eyes where he sits tangled in his blankets. 

Jeongin helps him off his bed, and leads the tired boy to his wardrobe, picking up some clothes and showing them to him. Jisung shakes his head no at every outfit Jeongin presents, until he runs out of his own clothes. Jeongin knows what the little really wants at this point, and he goes to his own wardrobe. He pulls out a hoodie of his, and his favorite pair of sweatpants. Jisung claps happily at the choices, and Jeongin rolls his eyes fondly. He helps Jisung out of his pajamas, and pulls the hoodie down over his head. It messes up the boy’s hair even more, making him look completely silly. 

He leads Jisung’s arms through the sleeves, until the sweatshirt settles on him nicely. They move onto the pants next, and Jeongin holds them open while he crouches down, so that Jisung can grip onto his shoulders and step into them. Once Jisung’s legs are in the pants, Jeongin helps him pull them up. His clothes are a bit big on the boy, so he ties the drawstrings of the sweats tightly. He makes Jisung sit on the bed again, slipping some soft socks on the boy. This set of socks is white with green hearts on them. They kind of clash with his shirt, but Jisung won’t notice or mind.

Jeongin smooths down his hair finally, running gentle hands through it to untangle the knots. When he’s done he sends the little on his way, telling him he’ll be in the living room shortly to turn the TV on for him. Jisung, still too tired to speak, gives Jeongin a sluggish nod. Jeongin is tempted to mess up his hair again with a hair ruffle, but decides it’s not worth ruining his hard work. Finally done getting the boy ready for the day, he gets himself dressed and goes to the bathroom. 

He does turn the TV on for the boy, and Jisung lays there watching it for a while, looking like he might fall back asleep. The only other noises to be heard besides the TV playing quietly, are the little cooing noises Jisung will occasionally make as he suckles on the bottle in his mouth. No one else in the dorm is awake yet, and Jisung is sleepy soft as they cuddle under a fleece blanket they had laying around. It’s the quietest morning they’ve had in a bit, and it’s nice. 

***

“‘Dozer book! ‘Dozer book!” Jisung is chanting, searching through all his toys and books until he pulls out what he’s looking for. It’s mid-morning, a few hours after Jisung had woken up for the day. Around this time every morning, whenever Jisung is in his headspace, Seungmin reads Jisung a story. It’s been their routine for a short time, but it’s already a treasured time for the both of them. 

Jisung grabs his story book, and comes running over with it. The book is one Seungmin bought him, his first attempt at getting close to Jisung in his headspace. It’s about a talking bulldozer, who feels forgotten on his birthday. His construction site friends end up surprising him with a party, and make the bulldozer happy. It’s not Jisung’s favorite story, he prefers books about magic and fairies, but it’s special because his Seungminnie hyung bought it just for him. 

“Bulldozer’s Big Day,” Seungmin reads out. Jisung snuggles closer, pulling his pink and yellow pacifier out of his pocket, and putting it in his mouth. 

Seungmin reads the story slow and soft, making his voice match the emotions of the bulldozer. He plays it up for Jisung, who gives a bunch of reactions as he hears more. He calls the bulldozer’s friends mean and whines behind his pacifier, but then giggles happily once the surprise party scene happens. He’ll make Seungmin wait to turn the page every time, so he can point to the different pictures and babble about what he sees. The story eventually ends, and Jisung pulls his paci out. He hugs Seungmin’s arm before getting up from his seat, and turns to run to the kitchen where Hyunjin is sure to be making breakfast. 

Before he disappears from the room, Jisung blows a kiss to Seungmin, trying to be cute.

“Thank you for the story hyungie~” and he runs out of the room. 

***

“Channie hyungie!” Jisung’s voice is suddenly heard hollering from the other room. Chan takes his time following the little voice, as he already has an idea what the boy wants. He suppresses the smile trying to take over his face, pursing his lips to trick the little. 

Jisung is in the main room of their dorm, surrounded by all of his toys again. He’s wearing his favorite clothes to be little in, an oversized pastel hoodie and bright colored fuzzy socks. Chan coos inside at the sight of him, but Jisung has a sour look on his face. 

“Hyungie, fix it!” Jisung yells again, pointing at the sad looking toy by his feet. The toy is a race car, one of those big ones that are battery powered. The doors of the car open, but instead of still being attached to the car they now lay on the floor. The windshield is popped out too, and Chan rolls his eyes fondly. Wanting to tease Jisung a little before helping him, he purposely puts a frown on. 

“My, my you sure are a destructive one Sungie. Hyung is always fixing your toys. I’m tired, I don’t know if I can fix this one...” he fakes. Jisung’s sour face gets worse, forehead wrinkling in his upset state. 

“No, hyungie fix! Jisung want to play with car!” He cries. Chan can’t help but think a frustrated Jisung is adorable, and he finally lets himself react the way he wants to. He laughs, a laugh straight from his belly. Jisung is utterly lost, staring at Chan like he has three or more heads. When Chan calms himself down, he grins at Jisung. 

“Sorry baby. I can’t help but tease you when your reactions are so cute. Hyung will fix your car, hand me the pieces,” he tells the pouting little. Jisung scrambles to hand Chan the pieces, gathering them all in his small hands before passing them over. Chan handles the pieces with care, carrying them into the kitchen. 

Jisung is in a bigger headspace today so he trails after Chan on his feet, the broken car cradled in his hands. He almost trips and drops the car in the kitchen, and he looks up at Chan with fear in his eyes. Chan lets another laugh loose, and tells him “good job” for catching the car. Had he dropped the car on the tile floor of their kitchen, Chan doesn’t know if it would be fixable anymore. 

He sat himself down at the head of the table, broken car and it’s parts laid out in front of him. Chan is constantly fixing toys for Jisung, so he’s taken to keeping the necessities for this nearby. He reaches behind himself and grabs the glue and a small screwdriver. 

He works on the doors first, placing them back against the car and tightening the screws. Chan doesn’t know how Jisung manages to get the doors off every time, but it must be the miracle of thinking like a child. He screws both doors on tightly, and when he’s done with that he moves onto the windshield. 

He opens up the super glue, trying to be careful not to get it on his fingers. It proves a difficult task, as he has to place the windshield in with all the glue lining the sides of it. He gets the windshield placed nicely, and tells Jisung they need to wait for the glue to dry. When he pulls his hand away, Chan sees that his thumb and pointer finger are glued together. He lets out a big sigh, trying to pull them apart from each other. Jisung thinks it’s hilarious, laughing and pointing at Chan’s predicament. 

“So you think this is funny? Just wait, you’ll glue your fingers together one day too!” Chan tells him. Jisung continues laughing, and then he sasses him back. 

“I’ll never glue my fingers together! Jisung is smarter than Channie hyungie!” He declares. 

“You little brat!” Chan rips apart his fingers with ease and lunges at Jisung, the little squealing as he tries to get away. Chan catches him, and blows raspberries against his chubby cheeks. Jisung squirms and laughs the whole time, red faced and out of breath when Chan finally lets him go. 

Chan gives him the car back a while later, once he’s positive the glue has dried. Jisung jumps in excitement, pure joy crossing his face as he sees the doors still work. He runs over to Chan, and gives him a peck on the cheek. 

“I love you hyungie!” he says, before skipping away. Chan shakes his head, wiping at his wet cheek. This is why he fixes all of Jisung’s toys, for the sake of making the little happy, and also for Jisung’s reward kisses. Worth it. 

***

“Sack of potatoes!” Minho screeches. He picks Jisung up effortlessly and flings him over his shoulder, hearing Jisung’s bright laughter the whole time. He runs around the dorm like that, screaming “I got a sack of potatoes!” the whole way. Jisung is in hysterics, hitting Minho’s back with his fists. Minho is sure he can hear Hyunjin hollering about the game being dangerous, and to put Jisung back on the floor, but his own yelling drowns it out. 

He tires quickly anyway, having to slow to a stop to catch his breath. He puts Jisung back on the ground, bent over with his hands on his knees. 

“Again!” Jisung begs, big eyes pleading with Minho. 

“Jisung, I can’t. That game is too tiring. Can’t we play something else?” 

“Sack of potatoes!”

“Jisung please—“

“Sack of potatoes!” He demands, bouncing excitedly in place.

“No more—“

“Sack. Of. Potatoes!” 

“Alright! Damn it...” Minho mutters to himself, picking the boy up again and tossing him over his shoulder once more. He begins to run again, and as much as he enjoys making the boy laugh, Minho regrets. 

He regrets this game, and resolves to do something easy next time. But for now he’s stuck wheezing “sack of potatoes” until someone rescues him. He prays he won’t pass out before then. 

***

“Up and away!” Jisung yells, running around the living room with a paper towel tube in hand. Felix and him are playing, after Felix finally relieved Minho from carting Jisung around on his shoulders. Jisung is pretending to be Captain Hook, while Felix is Elsa. They each picked their character and made a story for it, despite the members yelling out that their game made no sense. 

Captain Hook is on the search for Peter Pan, and when he finds Peter, Elsa is supposed to freeze him with her magic ice powers. Using Tinker Bell's pixie dust (some cut up construction paper) Captain Hook flies around Neverland. Elsa trails behind him, and they finally come upon Peter Pan. 

“There he is Elsa! I’m pointing at him with my hook hand! Freeze him!” Jisung is screeching, paper towel tube pointing straight at Minho. Minho looks at the two of them, a bored expression on his face. Felix charges at him, hands moving in all sorts of weird motions. 

“You’re caught, Peter Pan! My ice powers have frozen you!” Felix declares it proudly, and Jisung comes up behind him.

“Very good Elsa! Now, we feed him to the crocodile!” The two tackle Minho to the floor, and Jisung claps his arms together to imitate a munching crocodile. 

Minho puts minimal effort into his acting, but Jisung doesn’t notice. He celebrates with Felix on their victory of taking down Peter Pan. 

“Come on Elsa! We gotta take down the lost boys next before we can rule Neverland!” He runs off into the next room, presumably to find the rest of the members and force them into his game. 

“Right away Captain Hook!” And the game continues. 

***

“—U-N-G. Jisung! You did it Sungie! You wrote your name!” Changbin exclaims. Jisung is staring down at his paper in awe, seeing the shaky letters he just traced. Changbin helped him trace the letters, holding his hand as they moved it across the paper. 

“Binnie hyung, your name next!” Jisung says in excitement. Changbin smiles at him softly, nodding his head and grabbing ahold of Jisung’s hand again. He gently moves Jisung’s hand until it’s resting against the paper, and then begins to trace out the letters. 

“B-I-N-N-I-E. There you go” Changbin drops his own hand from Jisung’s. The little finishes the name by himself, drawing the second “N,” “I,” and “E” all by himself. Jisung gasps when he finishes, realizing he wrote those last letters without any help. 

“I did it! I wrote Binnie hyung’s name!” 

“You did sweetheart, and you did it all by yourself! Good job, I’m so proud of you.” Jisung beams at him, a cute little heart shaped smile flashed in Changbin’s direction. Changbin watches him draw a heart on the paper, tongue sticking out in concentration. After he finishes his heart Jisung presents the picture to Changbin.

“For you hyungie!” He giggles. Changbin, heart swelling in his chest, accepts the paper. 

“Thank you Sungie. I love it! It’s getting hung in my room!” Changbin makes a big deal of it. 

Jisung gives him an approving head nod, before grabbing his hand and dragging Changbin to his own room to hang the picture immediately. They pick out a good spot on the wall to place it together, and as Changbin is fastening it to the wall near his bed, he glances back to check on Jisung. The little had suddenly gone very quiet, and Changbin’s heart softens even more as he realizes why. 

Jisung is sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, hanging his head as he rubs his eyes with little fists. Changbin finishes up with Jisung’s picture, and then turns around to scoop the boy up into his arms.

“C’mon little one, let’s go get ready for sleepies.” He says gently to Jisung. The little’s head has already dropped to his shoulder heavily, as Changbin brings him to start his bedtime routine.

***

Jisung jolts awake in his bed. He’s terrified, heart racing as he looks around his shared room with Jeongin. He’s just woken from a nightmare, and he feels like crying. He’s not little enough to actually start crying, but not big enough either to go back to sleep on his own. Jeongin is in the next bed, he could call out for him and he’d help him sleep again. But Jeongin isn’t who he needs right now, isn’t who he wants. So Jisung slides down out of his bed and out the door. He walks down the hall until he finds Hyunjin’s room, trying to open the door quietly. It squeaks as he pushes it open, making Jisung wince. The room doesn’t stir though, the members still asleep inside. He tiptoes his way to Hyunjin’s bunk, crawling into the small space. 

Now that he’s in Hyunjin’s bed, Jisung doesn’t care about waking anyone up. He’s still scared, and he wants his Jinnie to make it better. So he pulls Hyunjin’s arms open, and settles against the other’s chest. He wraps the other’s arms around his waist, and nuzzles his face in the space under Hyunjin’s chin, but the comfort it gives him is still small. He whimpers, fear starting to really take over as weird and scary noises become obvious in the silent room. All his shifting and whimpering finally seems to wake the other boy up, who hums sleepily in question. 

“Jisungie?” He whispers. Jisung let’s another noise out, acknowledging that Hyunjin has just spoken to him. 

“Scared,” he cries. Hyunjin is too tired to realize at first, but once his brain picks up the word “scared” he tightens his hold on the little. He rests his cheek on the top of Jisung’s soft hair, and pulls him even closer to himself. 

“Did baby have a nightmare? It’s ok, I’m here now and I’ll protect you from the monsters,” Hyunjin reassures him. He shushes Jisung’s cries, and soothingly rubs his back. Finally hearing what he needed to hear, Jisung slowly calms in the other’s embrace. He’s still slightly scared, but he knows he’s safe, so he’s able to close his eyes. Hyunjin will hold and protect him, the monsters can’t reach him here. 

“‘Night Jinnie,” He mumbles, but Hyunjin is already asleep again. Jisung finally follows after him, sleep stealing him away once more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung picks a main caregiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a double update so in case you missed that go back to the chapter before so you aren't confused!

Hyunjin is confused. When Jisung had his breakdown in the practice room, before telling them about being a little, Hyunjin had felt special. Jisung was crying and upset and he wanted  _ him.  _ He wanted Hyunjin to comfort him, and it had felt like a big moment to Hyunjin, because he loves caring for people. Jisung has never really come to Hyunjin for comfort before, and he was filled with pride when he calmed the boy down. 

Then, Jisung told them the next day about being a little, and what it entailed. Hyunjin looked it up later himself, and tried to familiarize himself with as much information as he could. He had volunteered to be a caregiver for the boy earlier that day, he needed to know how to do that better. He’s been taking care of the boy when he’s little since, along with the other members. Hyunjin was confident he would end up Jisung’s main caregiver, but now he’s not so sure. 

Jisung is clingy with every member of the group. It seems he prefers no one over the other, and it’s starting to hurt. Hyunjin can admit he’s slightly possessive, but he can’t help it! Jisung feels like he’s his baby, and he doesn’t want to lose that. 

Jisung is currently playing with Jeongin and Felix. The two are chasing him around, the little shrieking every time he came around a corner and one of them jumped out at him. He sighs, happy that the boy is having fun. He doesn’t seem to be in any danger, so Hyunjin takes to observing the rest of the room. The other members are floating around, doing their own thing, all except one of them. Seungmin is sitting on the couch, staring at where Jisung is playing, like Hyunjin just was. There’s a frown on his face, and he looks sad. 

Seungmin is the only member who hasn’t interacted much with Jisung since he’s started being little. Whenever the boy is in his headspace, Seungmin will hide in his bedroom or sit quietly in the corner of the room, waiting for Jisung to approach him first. Hyunjin hasn’t paid much attention to the situation until now, and with nothing else to do he resorts to figuring out what’s wrong. He sidles over to Seungmin, neither of them speaking at first. Hyunjin watches Seungmin watch Jisung for a while longer, before he finally begins the conversation. 

“Why aren’t you playing with them? You clearly want to,” He says, gesturing to where Jisung is standing by the wall, giggling like crazy every time Felix pops his head around the corner with a funny expression. Seungmin looks at him apprehensively, like he’s not sure if he can confide in him. He must see something that reassures him though, as he begins to speak a few minutes later. 

“I don’t… know how,” He mumbled quietly. Hyunjin is confused, taking care of and playing with Jisung came easy to him, so it’s a foreign idea that one could struggle with it. But Seungmin is clearly upset, and he can tell he’s genuinely bothered by it, so he thinks hard about any advice he can give.

“Jisung is easy to play with. If you’re playing something he doesn’t like he’ll tell you, or if he’s feeling extra little and can’t speak, he’ll whine at you. Just do what feels right and let his cues lead you,” Hyunjin smiles. He feels good about what he said, but then he looks at Seungmin again. It seems that Hyunjin’s advice hasn’t helped the other at all, a deeper frown on his face than before. Hyunjin’s own smiles fades, racking his head for where he went wrong. 

“That’s not— playing with him isn’t the only problem. It’s more… complicated than that.” 

“Alright, then tell me what’s wrong so that I can help—“ Hyunjin gets cut off mid-word by a loud  _ thump!  _ The thump is followed by an ear piercing scream, and Hyunjin feels his stomach tie itself into knots. 

“Jisung!” Comes Felix’s panic filled voice, and Hyunjin snaps his head in the direction of the little. Jisung is on the floor, small hand clutching his forehead as little droplets of blood seep past his fingers. He’s already sobbing loudly, and Hyunjin feels himself freeze in his place. Jeongin has already reached the crying boy and is pulling him into his arms, Hyunjin isn’t needed for this one. 

Except, Jisung isn’t calming down with Jeongin, and it’s then that Hyunjin really tunes into the little’s cries. 

“Dada!” He sobs. “I want Dada! My head!” 

Hyunjin’s heart aches seeing the little so distraught, and he wants to go over there and take over, but he reminds himself that he’s probably not the one Jisung is calling out for. Just because he  _ wants  _ to be “Dada” doesn’t mean he is. 

“He’s not calming down! Minho hyung you take him,” Jeongin panics. The little is then passed to Minho’s arms, but he stays a sobbing, squirming mess. He hasn’t let up in his cries for “Dada,” and fat crocodile tears are falling rapidly down his red face. Hyunjin bites down hard on his tongue, fear settling in him as the boy doesn’t calm down. He keeps getting passed around, and it’s when he’s passed from Felix to Chan and is still upset, that Hyunjin lets himself go over. 

He rushes off the couch, flying over to where Chan is bouncing Jisung in his arms. Jisung is still complaining about his head, and it’s making Hyunjin feel sicker by the minute. Did he hit his head really hard? Is he ok? Chan isn’t far, so Hyunjin reaches them quickly. He puts his arms out to take the boy, but Chan doesn’t get the chance to transfer him. Still sobbing, Jisung puts his arms out in Hyunjin’s direction, and tries to throw himself from Chan’s arms into Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin grabs him before he can fall out of Chan’s grip, and starts to shush him. 

Jisung wraps his arms tightly around Hyunjin’s neck, his sobbing starting to slow the longer Hyunjin holds him. Eventually Jisung’s cries quiet from loud the loud wails. Hyunjin keeps making “shh” sounds, calming him until he’s only making small hiccupping noises. He walks them over to the couch, and sits down next to Seungmin again. He doesn’t even notice the other tense, too busy checking over Jisung.

“Baby, what hurts?” He asks the little, trying to make him comfortable so they can begin to treat him.

“Head hurts Dada,” he sniffles, and  _ oh.  _ Hyunjin’s heart stops. Jisung called him dada. He  _ is _ dada to Jisung. Jisung has just given him a special name, one that isn’t just “Jinnie,” and tears immediately spring to his own eyes. Hyunjin tries to hold them back for now, as they all need to keep focusing on Jisung and his injuries. 

“Can someone explain what happened?” He asks the room at large. 

“Jeongin and I were chasing him around. He was coming out of the bedroom full speed, and I— I was right behind him. Jisung was running away from me, and then all of sudden he’s tripping. His h-head hit the edge of the couch and then he just started  _ crying, _ ” Felix cuts the story off there, head hanging down in shame. 

Having the full story now has Hyunjin’s fears skyrocketing. Jisung did hit his head, he hit it on the  _ couch.  _ Oh god and he was  _ bleeding.  _ Hyunjin is panicking for real now. He pulls Jisung’s hand from where it’s still cradling the spot he hurt, and it breaks his heart when he sees the injured area. 

Jisung’s right temple has a small cut, about an inch long, splitting the skin open. Blood is covering the area, but it’s starting to dry up. Bruising has already bloomed across the side of his face, and it looks like it hurts badly. Hyunjin thinks about every bad thing that could come from hitting your head at once, and he begins to ramble.

“Oh my god! Look at his head! There’s blood and a _huge_ _bruise!_ We need to take him to a doctor, or the hospital. The ER, he needs the ER. Chan hyung, call an ambulance! He could have brain damage!” Hyunjin can’t breathe as the anxiety overtakes him. 

“Brain damage!?” Felix’s voice is high and squeaky as it comes out. Hyunjin’s fear is transferring to him, and he starts to feel even worse than before. It’s his fault Jisung fell, and now he could have brain damage? Felix will never forgive himself if there’s something seriously wrong with his friend. 

“Hyunjin, calm down. Felix you too— Jisung does not have brain damage,” Chan tries to placate. 

“How do you know that?!” Hyunjin nearly shrieks. 

“I know that because for one, he didn’t hit his head nearly hard enough for brain damage. Two, it was the first incident and three, he’s not showing any signs,” Chan explains calmly. His explanation seems to be calming Felix, but Hyunjin shows no signs of calming down.

“Even if he doesn’t have brain damage he could still have a concussion!” The boy argues. Chan sighs, about to explain to Hyunjin why Jisung most likely doesn’t have a concussion either when Minho steps in. 

“We can check him for a concussion on our own Jinnie,” He soothes. Hyunjin looks skeptical, but let’s Minho approach him and Jisung. Minho squats down in front of Jisung, and Hyunjin watches his every move. 

“Jisung, do you think you can be big for a moment? Hyung needs to check your head, and that might be too hard with you so little,” he says softly. Hyunjin is about to go hostile and tell Minho he has no right to ask that of Jisung, but the boy nods his head yes before Hyunjin can open his mouth. 

Jisung comes out of his headspace slowly, but obviously. It’s clear when the older is big again, and Minho smiles at him. Jisung gives a tentative smile back. 

“Ok let’s get to business,” Minho declares.

“Jisung, are you seeing double?”

“No.”

“Do you have a bad headache?”

“No.”

“Feel like you’re going to throw up? Pass out?”

“No, and no.” 

“Ok, I’d say it’s safe to assume you don’t have a concussion. Just a cut and a small bump,” Minho tells them. Hyunjin doesn’t feel particularly inclined to believe him, but he can tell everyone else does. Even Jisung takes his word as the truth, saying thank you to the older with a relieved grin. 

“Fine, he doesn’t have a concussion and he doesn’t have brain damage. But he’s still got blood on his forehead! A cut, a bump, there’s a bruise!” Hyunjin argues.

“We’ll clean it up and he’ll be fine Hyunjin,” that’s Chan. 

“Whatever. If you’re going to clean him up, can you do it now? The blood is bothering me…” he mumbled grumpily. Chan and Minho nod, moving to go get their first aid kit. Jisung tenses up in Hyunjin’s lap, and Hyunjin looks at him in question. 

“Channie hyungie and Minnie hyungie gon’ touch my booboo?” Jisung asks, sad eyes staring at Hyunjin pleadingly. The boy has already slipped back into his headspace, and Hyunjin is grateful he knows how to handle this. 

“Yeah baby, they’re going to touch your booboo. But just to make it better, ok? They’re not going to hurt you.” He says, trying to alleviate the little’s fears.

But Jisung still whimpers, “Dada, booboo hurts. No touch.”

“Baby, they have to. It’ll be ok, Dada is here with you. Be a brave boy for me, ok?” Jisung avoids his eyes, dejectedly nodding his head in agreement.

Chan and Minho come back in that moment, the first aid kit clutched in the leader’s left hand. Jisung whimpers again, scared beyond belief. His hands clutch tightly into Hyunjin’s shirt, so Hyunjin rubs his hands soothingly over his arms. Chan bends down onto his knees to be at eye level with Jisung, looking over his injury. He then looks Jisung in the eye, beginning to tell him what he’s going to do.

“Jisung, sweetie, Minho and I are going to fix your booboo. It shouldn’t hurt, but it might sting a little. You’ll get a really cool band aid you can pick out for it though! Plus Minho and I know you’re a brave boy. I know you’ll do well,” Chan encourages him. Jisung is biting at his lip, fear still evident but determination shining through too. Chan shows him the different boxes of band aids, and Jisung picks out a Pokémon box. A smiling pikachu is on the front of it, and the little imitates the Pokémon’s classic “pika pika!” upon seeing it. 

As Chan continues to talk to the little, Minho wets a cotton pad with water. Once the pad is wet enough, Minho takes it to Jisung’s forehead. He begins to clean the blood around the cut, gently wiping it all away. Jisung winces and cries out in fear, trying to pull away from Minho’s hand. Hyunjin doesn’t want to hold Jisung down, but he knows he might have to. Except, when Jisung keeps wiggling and whimpering and Hyunjin hasn’t moved to stop his flailing arms, Seungmin’s hands come forward and gently hold Jisung in place. Hyunjin’s wide eyes meet Seungmin’s slightly scared ones, his gaze shaking as they stare at each other. Hyunjin mouthes a “ _ good job _ ” and Seungmin mouthes back a relieved  _ “thank you.” _

They fix Jisung up like this, and they all make sure to fawn over him after it’s done. They shower him with praise, telling him what a good job he did. Jisung barely listens to any of it, preferring to cling onto Hyunjin instead. Hyunjin just holds him for a while, Jisung sucking on his pacifier that Jeongin brought over for him. Soon enough Jisung is ok again and back up and running around. Hyunjin laughs as he watches Jisung’s play begin again, smiling as he bounces from area to area. 

Jisung plays doctor with Changbin, and colors with Minho. He plays make believe pirates with Felix, and learns how to blow bubbles with Chan. Seungmin stays off to the side, but Hyunjin catches him doing little things, picking up Jisung’s toys as the boy moved on to a new game. Jeongin joins in the play too, doing all sorts of impressions to make the little laugh. Hyunjin sees them all have fun with Jisung, but Hyunjin isn’t jealous this time. He realizes now that even if Jisung is clingy to all of the members, that doesn’t mean Hyunjin isn’t special to him. Jisung does things with Hyunjin that they both know he wouldn’t do with the others, and their bond is stronger. 

Hyunjin sees now that he’s not in any competition. Jisung is a little who gives equal love, but still needs his Dada at the end of the day. Hyunjin’s heart swells as he remembers what Jisung had called him and he’s even more excited to be his caregiver. He wants to take on the role of his caregiver, and he knows he can do it well. He wants to hear it verbally from Jisung one day, that he really chose Hyunjin, but for now he’s more than thrilled to be called “Dada”. It’s enough for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung strengthens his relationship with his caregiver, and new developments happen in his headspace.

“How’s the bump? Is it going down yet?” Hyunjin questions as his fingers reach for Jisung’s forehead. Jisung winces when his fingers make contact, and Hyunjin quickly pulls his hand back. 

“Sorry, sorry—“

“It’s fine Hyunjin. It still stings a little is all,” Jisung placates. Hyunjin has been fretting over the incident since it happened, and while Jisung appreciates the care, sometimes he goes a little overboard. Still, Jisung lets him fret, since it seems to make the other feel better. 

“Looks like the bump is almost gone, so that’s good,” Hyunjin mumbles to himself, and Jisung rolls his eyes. 

“Can I please go now?” He whines, wishing to return to his bed and watch some more of his videos. 

“Not yet, we still have to put that cream on the cut,” Hyunjin states, looking at Jisung seriously. Jisung huffs, annoyed that he’s not released yet. 

“I can do that myself Hyunjin, seriously just give me the tube,” he holds his hand out impatiently, waiting for the tube. Hyunjin sighs, grabbing the tube of cream from the floor by his knee, and handing it over to Jisung. Jisung clutches it tightly, preparing to jump off the couch. Jisung’s body language and speech all indicate his restlessness, his desire to be allowed to go back to his activities. Hyunjin decides he’s looked over his injury enough, and begins to shoo the boy out of the room. 

“Don’t forget to apply that cream Ji. You don’t want an infection,” he reminds. 

“Ok Hyunjin,” Jisung mumbles, halfway out the room. Just before he’s gone, Jisung turns around to make eye contact with Hyunjin again. 

“By the way, thanks.” And he rounds the corner. 

Hyunjin smiles to himself, rolling his eyes at his friend. Since the incident where Jisung was hurt, Hyunjin has been slightly more protective than usual. When Jisung is big he knows his boundaries, and he backs off as much as he can. But when Jisung is little Hyunjin has taken to hovering, trying to prevent any future injuries. He’s trying his best, but admittedly Hyunjin doesn’t completely know what he’s doing. 

After being called “Dada” and essentially cementing his position as Jisung’s main caregiver, Hyunjin has not had a chance to ask Jisung what that means. Hyunjin knows the basic meaning, that he is responsible for taking care of the boy when he’s little. Jisung told them in the beginning and Hyunjin even looked it up himself, but knowing the basic definition is not the same as knowing what it means for Jisung. 

Hyunjin needs clarity on what Jisung expects from him as his caregiver, what the little wants from him. The chance to approach him on this has evaded Hyunjin each time he’s tried, and opportunities are few and far between. With their hectic schedules, there’s hardly time for sleeping, let alone lengthy personal discussions. He could approach him now, but he knows the boy is most likely already absorbed back in his YouTube videos. Deciding to leave the problem for now, Hyunjin goes looking for someone to bother. 

Of course the easy target is Jeongin, and so it’s no surprise Hyunjin ended up here. 

“Get off me!” The younger yells, Hyunjin only clings to him harder. 

“Mmm no! You’re so soft, like a pillow. I’m going to take a nap here,” Hyunjin teases, making his body limp on the other. 

“No! You’re heavy and bony, I can’t breathe!” Jeongin says, dramatics filling his voice. 

“You both know I’m right here, right? Stop being so noisy, I can’t hear my videos,” Jisung whines. 

“Sorry Sungie,” Hyunjin apologizes. He doesn’t let go of Jeongin, but he does change his position. Now, instead of being a clingy octopus, Hyunjin would equate himself more to a big spoon. 

Jeongin still gives him sass, sticking his tongue out at him as he tries to elbow him in the stomach. Hyunjin doesn’t know why he loves him so much. 

*** 

  
“Innie hyungie, like this!” Jisung squeals, small hand draping over Jeongin’s and pushing the toy car forward. Jisung shows him how to push the car, and what noises he should make, while Jeongin plays dumb. The little laughs every time he lets go and Jeongin stops pushing, and overall it's an adorable scene. Hyunjin is never happier than when he gets to observe Jisung during his play, finding new things he likes. 

Things have been good, Jisung’s head finally clearing up of all cuts and bruises. Their makeup team had been thankful for that, no longer having to use extra products on the boy’s face to cover the nasty injury. Hyunjin and Jisung have been feeling around their new relationship, going through twists and turns to see what works for them. 

Hyunjin has found that when big, Jisung likes to keep their original dynamic of teasing each other, light hearted banter and play fights. However, when he’s little Jisung prefers Hyunjin closer, wants the caregiver to praise him and hold him. Jisung wants him to be gentle with him, whereas he’s very playful with the other members. Jisung will steal Minho’s AirPods and giggle till the older finds him and takes them back. He’ll antagonize Felix into the shadow game, copying every word Felix says until the other shuts him up with tickles. And he’ll corner Changbin into buying him extra presents, trying to rack his card up with crayons and pacifiers. 

But with Hyunjin he’s different. Instead of the teasing, Jisung will trap Hyunjin against the couch, making the older hold him for sometimes as long as an hour. He’ll ask to hold his hand going from room to room, and he’s even started telling Hyunjin “I love you”. It’s special, the bond they’re forming, and Hyunjin is glad for it. He’s been trying his hardest to be a good caregiver for the little, and so every affectionate gesture Jisung shows makes him happy and proud. 

Even still, Hyunjin isn’t blind to the different way Jisung is with Jeongin too. Hyunjin and the little will be doing something together, and Jisung will suddenly say how it reminds him of “Innie hyung.” Then he’ll search the dorm for him, not resting until he finds the boy and makes him play with them. Sometimes Jisung will have a problem that for one reason or another he doesn’t want to ask Hyunjin about, and the little will scramble off to Jeongin. Hyunjin is glad that Jisung does things like this, if he’s embarrassed to ask him Hyunjin doesn’t want him keeping things inside. He’s thankful to Jeongin for how he is with Jisung, and his skills of being a big brother outside of Stray Kids really shine when he’s with the little. Jeongin’s mature side shows more in those moments, and it’s a nice contrast to their usual. 

“Dada,” Jisung’s voice pulls Hyunjin from his thoughts, eyes focusing back on the little in front of him.

“Yes lovebug?” He coos, all of his attention on the boy in front of him. 

“Innie hyung can’t make noise,” he says, toothy grin on display. Hyunjin shifts his eyes to Jeongin, where he sees the boy trying to hold back his laughter. 

“He can’t make noise?” Hyunjin engages, and Jisung nods his head. 

“Yeah. Hyungie brokt’en,” Jisung is pouting, looking slightly upset as he turns to stare at Jeongin. Hyunjin can’t hold back his own laughter, smiling down at Jisung. 

“I’m sure he’s not broken, lovebug. Can’t you show him one more time how to make the noise? I’m positive he’ll get it this time.” Jisung looks skeptical, but nods his head resolutely. 

Full body turning towards Jeongin, Jisung squares his shoulders and looks the boy dead in the eyes, “Vroom vroom. Vroom vroom, Innie hyung!” His eyebrows are furrowed, waiting for Jeongin to repeat the sound back to him.

“Vroom vroom!” Jeongin says, and it has the little breaking out into loud shouts. 

“Hyungie not brokt’en! Hyungie fixed! Dada, hyungie is fixed!” Jisung is bouncing off the walls in his delight, making Hyunjin’s heart feel lighter than ever. 

“Good job! I told you he’d get it! You’re an excellent teacher lovebug.”

“Thank you Dada,” Jisung responds through a giggle. 

“Good job Innie hyungie,” Jisung relays the praise back. 

“Thank you Sungie,” Jeongin beams, eye smile out. 

It’s a happy moment for all of them, a memory not to be forgotten. 

***

  
“Jisung, can we talk for a moment?” Hyunjin asks, entering the boy’s bedroom. Jisung looks up from where he sits, scribbling out song lyrics in a notebook. He closes the notebook, turning his attention to Hyunjin. 

“Sure, what’s up?” He asks, sensing the serious atmosphere the room is taking on. Hyunjin sits down next to him, taking a deep breath and then releasing it. 

“There’s some things we haven’t talked about since you started regressing, and I figured now was the time to talk about it. I have some ideas of what I want to discuss, but we don’t have to go over them all right now. I want to hear from you first if there’s something that’s maybe been bugging you? A thought you haven’t approached me on yet maybe?” Jisung pauses, taking a moment to really think about the question. 

“Actually, there is something,” he hesitates. 

“What is it?” Hyunjin asks, eager to find out what’s on the little’s mind. 

“When I was… going to take care of regressing by myself, there was a guideline I read. It said to set up rules for yourself to follow, and reward yourself for sticking to them. T-that’s something I still want to do— feel I need to do. I-I need some rules when in my headspace, everything feels too chaotic without any,” He shies away, gaze turned to his lap. 

“That’s actually a great idea, and I agree with you. We should set up some rules, it’ll make it easier on everyone,” Hyunjin reacts positively. Jisung’s head snaps up, wide eyes hopeful as they connect with Hyunjin. 

“Why don’t we set some up now, hm? If you have one say it, otherwise I’ll go first.” Jisung thinks to himself again, but comes up blank, so he motions for Hyunjin to go first. 

“No running around. It’s too dangerous, especially after what happened last time,” a frown forms on his face. Jisung agrees to the rule, finding no flaws in it. 

“Ok, your turn,” Hyunjin tells him. Jisung nods to himself, wracking his brain for any ideas. 

“I don’t want to be punished if I do something wrong. I— being yelled at or punished scares me. It... puts me in a place that’s hard to come down from. So if you could just… redirect me if I do something wrong?” He states his rule more like a question, but Hyunjin nods affirmatively, assuring him that he’s right in what he said. 

“Sounds perfect. What else?”

“Um, I get really into TV and cartoons when I feel little, but I don’t want it to take up my whole time. So, maybe restricted TV time? Like only an hour or two hours?” Again, he doesn’t sound confident, but it doesn’t matter. Hyunjin takes his words for what they are and jots them down in his phone, to be written out later on real paper they can pin somewhere. 

“Ok, I have one. How about always eat your food at the big boy table?” Hyunjin proposes. Jisung’s eyes widened, quickly agreeing. It’s a rule he knows he needs, otherwise Jisung would take food everywhere with him when little. 

“Next, use inside voices,” Jisung chooses this one, confidence finally settled in. He knows he’s prone to being loud, and when he’s little he gets excited quickly. On more than one occasion Jisung has wondered about a noise complaint from the neighbors, and it’s struck a fear in him. Hyunjin’s tongue sticks out as he writes the rule down, concentration fully taking over. 

“My suggestion is ‘voice yourself when something is wrong’,” Hyunjin tells. Jisung struggles with this rule, discomfort filling him. He knows it’s important to say when you're upset or if something isn’t right, but expressing too much of himself has always been a problem for him. Jisung is like an open book, yet he has his secrets. He lets people in just close enough that it’s not the surface, but that they don’t know everything about him. If he were to voice out loud things that bother him, it would be hitting too close to the part of him he likes to keep quiet. Hyunjin is looking at him worriedly though, and that rushes Jisung into agreement. 

“Yes, that’s a good rule,” he says, trying to keep his real feelings hidden. Hyunjin doesn’t seem completely reassured, but writes the rule down regardless. 

“Alright, I think we have a pretty good foundation here. If you think of any more let me know and I’ll add them,” the boy says, giving Jisung a random thumbs up. Jisung huffs a laugh at the other’s awkward gesture, agreeing to share if another rule comes to mind. Hyunjin leaves him alone again, and Jisung rolls his shoulders back. He picks up his discarded pen from earlier, opens his notebook, and begins to write all over again. 

***

With the new rules in place, Jisung’s time being little has been falling easier into place. Hyunjin has found it easier to rule the little in, and Jisung has found a greater sense of calm and ease with knowing things he is and isn’t allowed to do. The list of rules is pinned proudly in the living room, cleverly hidden behind a wall calendar. When it’s just the members at home, the list is displayed without shame, the words penned in a bright blue crayon color. However, when they have guests or JYPE staff filming in their dorm, the calendar does it’s job, hanging over and hiding the rules from prying eyes. 

Jisung follows the rules well, because he thrives off being good. When the little realizes he’s being too loud, he’ll quiet himself down without being asked, and he never takes his food from the table. Hyunjin and Jisung decided the little could pick his rewards for being good, and so far Jisung has picked easy rewards. The little has asked for simple things like play time with his favorite Seungminnie hyung (who is still acting off), or to play with Changbin’s munchlax Gyu. Changbin had handed Gyu over somewhat reluctantly, but was pleasantly surprised when the little returned him in perfect condition. 

They have some free time again, this being one of the last times they’ll have before their schedule becomes jam packed. All the members are hanging around today, and it has Jisung flying off the walls through the dorm. He seamlessly goes from one member to the next, one room to the next, within seconds of starting a new game. He’s currently on the ground, playing a game that Hyunjin isn’t sure will last long. 

He has his building blocks out again, tower after tower being made. Chan sits on his one side, handing him the blocks, while Jeongin is on the other. Jeongin’s job is to hold the towers when they get unstable, but as Jisung works on another it seems he’s destined to fail. Both of Jeongin’s arms and legs are spread to hold up different towers, and there is no way he will be able to support a fifth. 

“Chan hyung,” He hisses, trying to get the leader’s attention. It works, and Chan’s attention shifts from his handing process to Jeongin, 

“Yes?” He asks.

“Stop handing him blocks,” Jeongin mouths the words, not wanting Jisung to pick up on his request. Chan raises an eyebrow at him as if to say “really?” so Jeongin gives him a deadpanned look. The leader holds up his hands in surrender, and when Jisung asks for another block he sheepishly denies him.

The little looks hurt by Chan’s answer but doesn’t let it slow him down, reaching over him and grabbing a block on his own. Jeongin groans quietly to himself, watching the tower wiggle as the block is added on top. It shakes, and Jisung instructs him to hold it. Jeongin can’t make a move, otherwise the others will fall, and he watches in dismay as the tower gives one last shake before collapsing in on itself. 

The room pauses in silent horror as Jisung stares at the collapsed tower. The little has no reaction for what feels like hours but is probably only seconds, before he directs his words to Jeongin. 

“Papa, you let tower fall!” He shouts, forgetting the inside voice rule. There’s a pout on his face and he stomps his foot, but Jeongin can’t focus on the classic signs of a temper tantrum right now. Jisung just called him Papa. 

“Papa!” Jisung calls again, when Jeongin doesn’t respond. He pulls himself together enough to respond to the little, an apologetic “sorry Sungie,” slipping from his mouth. Jisung huffs, his arms crossed as he thinks over the apology and if he’ll accept it. He appears to make up his mind, and uncrosses his arms. 

“I forgive you Papa,” he says, turning away from Jeongin and going back to fix the fallen blocks. Jeongin is left reeling from the shock, and only pulls out of it when he feels a tap on his shoulder. 

It’s Hyunjin who tapped him, and Jeongin can’t say he’s surprised. The older is looking at him seriously, though the excitement in his eyes is clear as day. However, he tries to keep up the hard look when he says to Jeongin, “we need to talk about this. All of us.” 

Jeongin couldn’t agree more. He tells the older it’s up to him when and where they talk, and Hyunjin gives him an affirming hand shake before walking off. Weirdo. Jeongin grins to himself, all limbs still occupied with block towers. He’s Papa to Jisung, something he never expected. It feels good, better than good, and Jeongin etches the name into his heart. He loves it already. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i'm sorry this took so long fjkdasjf..this chapter went through many changes and drafts so that's partially why, but i'm happy to say i love the way it came out! i have a twitter now where i post when i'm writing and ideas that pop into my head so if you want to check that out you can :) see you in chapter seven! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/changbindata)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/levantermp3)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung, hyunjin, and jeongin discuss their little/caregiver relationship. and there are puppies involved.

“Oh my god,” Jisung’s eyes widen, taking in the sight before him. Hyunjin and Jeongin had asked him to go out, that they had something fun planned. Jisung didn’t think twice before agreeing, bolting from his bed to get dressed. While he usually prefers staying home, Jisung’s felt an itch all day to break free from the walls. Naturally, he’s ready in ten minutes, and they leave immediately. 

That’s how Jisung ended up where he’s standing now, in the doorway of a private room in a puppy cafe. It’s a new take on animal cafes, a building with multiple rooms filled with adoptable puppies. The owner described it as a way to influence people who feel overwhelmed when in a room with multiple people to come and play with the puppies, and maybe provide a good home for one. Jisung thought it was an amazing idea, having a problem with crowds himself, it made him feel thought of. 

They ordered their drinks in the main room of the cafe, and were immediately led back to the private room. Jisung is sitting down on the floor in awe, a puppy immediately crawling into his lap. He makes a kissy face at the puppy, picking it up and holding it in the air. 

“These puppies are adorable! How do they get so many to fill up all the rooms?” He questions, directing it at the two boys in the room with him. 

“The woman who took our order said they rescue the puppies from kill shelters, giving them another chance at life and to find a happy family. It’s part of their mission. It’s sweet, isn’t it?” Hyunjin squats to the floor, puppies running at him full speed when he’s down. A small Dalmatian with only a few spots rams right into him, knocking Hyunjin down on his butt. Jeongin and Jisung laugh hysterically, a swarm of puppies licking all over Hyunjin’s toppled over form. 

When the laughter dies down, they turn to petting the puppies, idle conversation being held. Of course, it can’t go on like that forever, and Jeongin decides to take the leap for all of them. 

“Jisung hyung, we wanted to talk. About your little space, and how we fit into that,” He says confidently, eyes boring a hole through Jisung’s small body. Jisung feels his walls go up a little, nerves rushing through him. He knew they’d need to talk about this, but Jisung was praying it would hold out longer. The time is here though, and he knows he can’t get out of it. 

“Ok,” is all he can bring himself to say, scratching a particular golden retriever puppy behind the ear. 

“You’ve called me ‘Dada,’ and Jeongin ‘Papa.’ I’m pretty sure I know what that means but Jisung, I need you to confirm it. You want me and Innie to be your caregivers, right?” Hyunjin’s slight insecurity breaks through at the end, showing his emotions clearly. 

Jisung coughs loudly, face heating up at his friend’s words. A puppy yips at him for the sound, so Jisung reaches to calm it down with a gentle pat. 

“C-can you not say that out loud? It makes me embarrassed...” he mumbles. Hyunjin gives Jeongin a look, before addressing Jisung again. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, but sure, I won’t say the words again.” Hyunjin smiles, bending his head down to try and make eye contact with Jisung. The boy is avoiding his gaze, turning his head in every direction so as not to look at Hyunjin. 

“Ji, we need an answer,” Hyunjin reminds gently. Jisung takes a shaky breath in, preparing himself.

“Yes. I want you both to be my caregivers. Will you?” Jisung turns his sad eyes onto the two, making them melt. 

“Of course I will,” Hyunjin grins. 

“Yes hyung, I want to be your caregiver,” Jeongin says straightforwardly. Jisung’s body slumps in relief, hands relaxing from their clenched position in his lap. 

“That’s— that’s good then. Thank you,” Jisung sniffles, trying to hold back his emotions. It seems unbelievable that not one, but two people want to take care of him. Jisung didn’t think he’d ever get anyone to be his caregiver, and it fills a hole in his heart he didn’t know was there. The golden retriever from earlier senses Jisung’s mood shift, licking at his hand to cheer him up. Jisung smiles at the puppy, cooing as he picks it up. 

“You’re adorable, aren’t you? Do you have a name cutie?” He says in a high voice, looking at the puppy's neck for a collar and name tag. He does find one, the bone shaped name tag reading “Sunshine.”

“Sunshine, huh? Some of my fans nicknamed me that,” he giggles, giving the puppy a butt scratch. The three of them play some more with the puppies before either of them breach the topic again. Jisung knows his answer needs to be more specific, if he wants this to work. It’s overwhelming, but the yips and barks of the room help him focus. Although Jisung can feel his eyes starting to itch— right, he’s mildly allergic to dogs. Oh well. 

“What else do you guys wanna know? I want to give specifics but I don’t know where to start.” 

“Is there any particular form of care you want or need? What do you expect us to do? Will you need help sleeping, do you want to try diapers or pull ups?” Jeongin fires off a bunch of questions. He’d been doing a lot of reading after Jisung had called him Papa, trying to get a handle on what that meant for him next. He learned a ton about different little behaviors, and he wants to know if Jisung is interested in any of them. Jisung’s face is burning at the mention of diapers and pull ups, not expecting that topic to be brought up. 

“I haven’t thought about that yet. I might be interested?”

Jeongin nods, “Okay, you don’t have to decide now. If you do want that though I want to help with it.” 

“Thank you,” Jisung says shyly. 

“As for sleeping, yes I want help going to sleep. I like comfort, and cuddles. Just being held, or rocked… things like that. I want that,” he says in confidence. They go through some more things Jisung might be interested in, and things Hyunjin and Jeongin want to and are comfortable doing. 

There’s one thought nagging at him though, desperately trying to break through. Jisung has been side eyeing this since he first discovered he was a little, but has held it back. He’s embarrassed beyond belief, but he also wants to mention it. There’s the chance that Hyunjin and Jeongin could agree to it, and it’s that slight chance that pushes Jisung to ask. 

“I want to try… n-nursing,” he stutters. Shame creeps into him at the silence of the other two, rethinking even bringing it up. 

“S-sorry, I’m sorry. We can just forget I brought it up ok—“ 

“Jisung no, it’s fine. We can try nursing,” Hyunjin reassures. Jisung stares at him in shock, not believing the boy is actually comfortable with the idea. 

“Y-you’re sure? You’d be comfortable with nursing me?” Jisung has to make sure. 

“Yes. I’m positive I’m ok with it.”

Jisung’s face splits in two, a smile taking over his face. All their questions answered for the time being, the three are finally free to focus on having fun. They play with the dogs, running around the room and getting them excited. A puppy crawls into Jisung’s arms and takes an impromptu nap, and Jisung feels bad when he has to disturb it. They’re out of time, and need to get back to the dorm. Jisung leaves the puppy cafe with itchy puffy eyes, but it was all worth it. 

  
*** 

“Hyunjin… Innie...” Jisung mumbles, staring down at his feet. He approached the two earlier, asking them if he could talk to them in private. The two had agreed and followed Jisung to his room, sitting on the bed while Jisung paced the room. He’s embarrassed, and nervous to tell them what he wants. They’ve reassured him of this before, but Jisung is still scared. 

“What is it lovebug?” Hyunjin asks. Jisung’s heart aches in his chest, he loves when the other calls him that, it makes him feel small. 

“I-I’m ready to try nursing.”

“Aw sweetheart, you wanna try?” Jeongin this time. The nicknames are making Jisung feel really little, and Jisung can feel himself falling into his headspace. He should fight it, because he needs to focus on this conversation he started, but he doesn’t have the energy for that. He’s somewhere between little and big when he replies to Jeongin’s question. 

“I wan’, wanna suck on Dada’s chest,” he whines. The two coo before him, making Jisung shrink in on himself. Hyunjin pats the bed, and Jisung scrambles to put himself between the two. A hand runs through his hair, Jisung humming at the motion. 

“Baby wants to nurse on Dada, hm?” Jeongin says, fondness filling his tone. Jisung nods his head, smiling at all the pets he’s getting. 

“Does baby wanna try now?” Hyunjin questions. 

“Yes dada, p’ease?” Jisung says, arms reaching out to pull at Hyunjin’s shirt. The caregiver laughs, pulling the little into his lap. Jisung’s hands keep pulling at Hyunjin’s shirt, fumbling with the material. Hyunjin pulls the shirt over his head himself, his bare chest exposed to the cold air of the room. Jisung takes little time at all before he latched on, sucking contently. 

Jisung mouths at Hyunjin’s chest for a while, getting the area wet. Small content noises escape him, showing how happy he is at the moment. Hyunjin smiles, letting the little do what he wants. Jeongin is watching with interest, finding the little to be adorable. 

Jisung’s suckling slows down the more time passes, his mouth more resting against Hyunjin’s chest than sucking. Jeongin bends his head at an angle to observe the little, seeing his eyes struggling to remain open. It’s a sight beyond sweet, and Jeongin sits back up tell Hyunjin.

“Jinnie hyung… he’s falling asleep.” Hyunjin looks down himself, confirming that Jisung is indeed nodding out as he nurses. 

“Oh how adorable,” Hyunjin whispers, not wanting to disturb the calm of the room. A lightbulb goes off in his head suddenly, and Hyunjin starts hitting Jeongin’s arm quickly. 

“Jeongin! Jeongin!”

“Ow! What?!” Jeongin shouts, causing Hyunjin to “shh!” him when Jisung startles slightly. 

“Take a picture!” Hyunjin insists, ceasing his hitting. Jeongin reaches for his phone, opening the camera app hastily. Once the camera is loaded, Jeongin angles the phone and snaps a picture. Looking at it himself, Jeongin finds the picture to be adorable. Jisung’s mouth is slack against Hyunjin’s chest for real now, drool running out of his mouth and down Hyunjin’s chest. His eyes are completely shut, the little having passed out. 

“He put himself to sleep,” Jeongin laughs as he shows Hyunjin the picture, and Hyunjin laughs fondly.

“Too sweet, come on, help me position him more comfortably,” Hyunjin says. Together they maneuver Jisung into a more comfortable position, the little replacing Hyunjin’s nipple with his thumb. He stays asleep, sucking his thumb as he curls into the fetal position. The caregivers exit the room quietly to not wake him up, going their separate ways to hang out with the other members while Jisung naps. 

Jeongin ends up playing video games with Felix, and Hyunjin watches a movie with Seungmin and Minho. It’s a small reprieve from the chaoticness their dorm usually is with eight rowdy boys around. Soon it’ll be loud and noisy again, Jisung will wake up shortly, and it’ll be play time all over again. Hyunjin is excited for more playtime, but he’s also excited about this new development when Jisung is in his headspace. Letting Jisung nurse was an intimate moment, and Hyunjin is happy to be able to spend time with him like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :) i have chapter 8 ready to be posted too so i was wondering if you guys want that now or later? if not today i'll probably post it on the weekend so let me know which! thanks for reading <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungmin and hyunjin talk, and jisung makes a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly couldn't wait to post this,, so as a compromise of wanting it up right away but also wanting to wait, i'm posting today instead of friday or saturday LOL. enjoy!

Things have been good. Jisung, Jeongin, and Hyunjin have been adjusting to their new relationship as little and caregiver, and it’s been wonderful. Hyunjin is already attuned to Jisung’s needs when he’s little, he can care for him easily. Jeongin has fallen into a proactive role with Jisung, doing more of the physical things while Hyunjin does the comfort. Jeongin will help Jisung to the bathroom, and they still have their routine of getting dressed in the morning. Hyunjin finds it sweet when Jisung is extra tired in the morning and he catches the two on the couch, Jisung with his hand over Jeongin’s, making him hold the little’s bottle. 

But despite all the good things happening, Hyunjin hasn’t forgotten about his and Seungmin’s interrupted talk. He hasn’t found a good time to reapproach him on it, and he regrets that. Seungmin isolated himself more from the group as the days go by, and the strain it’s taking is obvious. Now couldn’t be a better time to reopen the discussion, with most of the members gone from the dorm. There’s a rare opportunity of privacy, since Seungmin chose to stay home than go out. Hyunjin plans to take full advantage of this, leaving the kitchen where he was originally going to get a bottle of water. 

He walks to his shared room with Seungmin, Minho, and Chan. The only one around is Seungmin (just as expected), and Hyunjin throws himself down onto Seungmin’s bed. He lands on top of the boy, an oof sound slipping from Seungmin at the impact of Hyunjin’s lanky body. Seungmin shoves at Hyunjin, trying to push him off and onto the floor. Hyunjin is stubborn though, and wraps all his limbs around him, locking him down tight.

“Get off of me,” Seungmin says, mouth full of Hyunjin’s sweatshirt. 

“No~” Hyunjin sing-songs his reply. An annoyed sigh sounds through the room, Hyunjin grinning in success as Seungmin goes limp under him. 

His victory being definite, Hyunjin rolls off Seungmin’s body and on to the mattress. Both of them lay side by side, staring at the bars holding the bunk above Seungmin’s up, neither of them saying a word. Hyunjin doesn’t want to breach the subject himself, because it seems very sensitive to the other. He wants Seungmin to start it, and he’ll wait as long as he can before he takes matters into his own hands. 

The silence must be too much for Seungmin though, for in the next minute he’s bolting to sit upright on the bed. He bends his body until his face is in his knees, and then he mumbles into them, “I know why you’re here.”

“I’m here cause it’s my room—”

“No, I mean here, on my bed. You want to continue our conversation,” Seungmin’s voice is muffled where he talks into his knees, but Hyunjin understands him perfectly. 

“Yeah, I do want to continue it. But if you’re not comfortable or ready to, that’s ok,” he reassures. Seungmin seems to consider his options, and Hyunjin breathes a sigh of relief when the other chooses to continue talking instead. 

“Like I said, things with Jisung are more complicated than just not knowing how to play with him,” Seungmin starts off vague again. Hyunjin knows if he wants to get anything good out of him, he’s going to have to push.

“Complicated how? You can tell me Minnie, we’re best friends. I won’t judge you.”

“It’s not— I’m not scared of being judged. I just don’t know how to word it,” Seungmin lifts his head up to make eye contact with Hyunjin. 

“Do the best you can,” Hyunjin pushes. A long sigh follows as Seungmin thinks about how to word what he’s feeling to his friend. 

“It’s just.. .I don’t know. It's hard for me to adjust to this thing, about him being a little. You know my family are traditional, and even though I’ve broken away from that, how I was raised, it’s still hard for me. And even thinking about it puts this sick feeling in my stomach,” Seungmin averts his eyes, fingers toying with his comforter.

“I want to be supportive of Jisung, and I’m really trying. Just— something is holding me back and I can’t get a hold on it. I can’t place these feelings... it’s frustrating,” he finishes, wiping angry tears away from his eyes. 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, letting the quiet and calm atmosphere comfort his friend first. Once he deems Seungmin ready, Hyunjin grabs his hand. Seungmin looks at him again, face revealing his anger and frustration with himself. 

“Maybe you’re rushing yourself, give it some more time. You don’t have to be comfortable with this overnight. Jisung understands, he didn’t expect to be accepted immediately, and sure it’s been nice for him. But he gets that not everyone can just throw themselves into this, the way I have. Take baby steps, you’ll be fine.” Hyunjin has to admit at this moment that he can give some pretty damn good advice. He’s proud. 

“Baby steps. Ok, that could work...” Seungmin mumbles, falling back into his own thoughts. 

“Anything else? Maybe something you forgot to mention, or are we good here?” Hyunjin asks, giving Seungmin a patient look. 

“Uh just...I don’t feel comfortable being alone when he’s little. I— I don’t want to be responsible if he gets hurt so just... be around when I’m taking these ‘baby steps’ please?”

“Of course I’ll be around. I’m his caregiver after all, he needs me and I need him!”

“Ugh, get that dopey look off your face, it’s making me feel ill!”

“You brat!”

***

Seungmin tries to act on the advice he got. Hyunjin had been right when he said the other was pushing himself too fast, so Seungmin has tried to slow himself down. Things have been going well, and he’s been feeling pretty proud of his progress recently. He still reads to Jisung frequently, one of the few things he enjoys doing with the little. Seungmin knows that with children they tend to cling to the ones who don’t shower them with attention, and he finds it interesting that it’s that way with the little too. 

Jisung is always asking him to play, and sometimes Seungmin will think he’s ok enough to do it. He played hide and seek with him, and helped him with his blocks. Seungmin even tried coloring with him once, but ended up feeling far too overwhelmed, his crayon going outside the lines. He bolted from the room when that happened, and spent ten minutes trying to talk himself down. Hyunjin talked with him about it later that night, reassuring him that he doesn’t have to do things he doesn’t want to. He hasn’t tried coloring since. 

Today is one of those times where Seungmin doesn’t feel up to interacting with the little, and so he’s hiding away in his bed. He can hear the sounds of playing in the main room, but he tries to tune it out. He knows it’s not fair for him to feel excluded when he’s the one isolating himself, but he can’t shut the feeling out either. Seungmin wishes he was like the others, that he accepted this new thing at face value. He’s never been good with change though, always struggling with new things while others barely blinked. 

Seungmin’s mom has told him how he had a fit when they switched his crib into a big boy bed. That he refused to sleep in it, and had taken to sleeping on the floor by his bed instead. There was the time his first ever cell phone broke, and Seungmin had cried for days when he ended up needing to replace it. So he doesn’t do well with change in general, but something about this time feels different. Like there’s something else lingering beneath the surface that he can’t pick out. Sighing, Seungmin resolves himself to the stress headache brewing at his temples, pulling his blanket up to his chin. 

“I’m so bored,” he speaks out loud, frustration spilling over. Headache raging, he pushes the covers back, standing up from his bed angrily. He storms out of his room and into the main room, the rest of the members playing around. Seungmin sits himself on the couch, resolving to at least be around even if he can’t participate. Unconsciously Seungmin watches Jisung play, the little walking around with a play doctor's kit and taking temperatures. 

“Say ahh” Jisung giggles in front of Changbin, the older sticking his tongue out of his mouth and saying ‘ah’ like asked. Jisung gasps in pretend horror, telling Changbin he’s sick. Seungmin turns away when Changbin overreacts, preferring to not see anymore. 

The group all eat dinner and then collectively decide to watch a movie, and Seungmin actually manages to forget his struggles for a bit. He absorbs himself as much as he can into the movie, watching the action scenes pass by the screen. Explosions and fires rage on the TV, and Seungmin is obsessed. The movie ends, and he finds himself in a detailed conversation about it with Minho. They end up bickering about who the best character in the film was, and the play fight makes him feel light for the first time in a while. Seungmin feels happy. 

When they separate later, some with the intentions to sleep while others (like Seungmin himself) intend to stay up, Seungmin grins happily. He’s even more motivated to work through his problems, because he has the best friends around, and they deserve happiness. Seungmin wants the best for his friends and himself, so he’ll keep pushing, and maybe it’ll work itself out. There’s a tiny thought at the back of his mind, telling him this new found motivation will backfire on him, but for now he doesn’t listen. He’s headstrong and tomorrow he will approach the day with a better attitude, and everything will be okay. It will be ok because it has to be, there’s no other option.

  
***

  
“Lovebug, you’re so tired. Won’t you please take your paci?” Hyunjin sounds desperate, and it makes Jisung feel guilty. He is tired, and he knows he’s acting out. But he can’t bring himself to take his pacifier. 

“No!” He says, trying to wriggle his way out of Hyunjin’s arms. He succeeds, but in the next moment he’s captured again, this time by Jeongin. He thrashes, he needs to be running around, playing. He can’t sleep, he’s too wired for that. His thrashing is getting him nowhere though, Jeongin holding him too tightly. He stops, giving up and going limp in the caregiver’s arms. The flailing around tired him out even more, and Jisung gives up fighting it, falling asleep in Jeongin’s arms. 

***

Jisung isn’t stupid, he knows something is wrong with Seungmin. The only time the other will speak to him now is when they’re on camera, and Jisung feels like their friendship has fallen back. The two had grown close over time since their debut, but now it’s like Seungmin is a stranger. It hurts, and he knows what the problem is. 

Jisung’s little space has fucked up one of his best friendships. He’s afraid he’ll never get their relationship back, and it has him so stressed out. Jisung has been regressing more than before to cope, and his obsession with sucking things has increased as well. Jisung finds himself using his pacifiers even when he’s not in little space, sucking on them for comfort. He just wants things to go back to normal, he wishes he never messed up like this. 

When they’re at a schedule, Jisung packs one of his pacifiers in his bag. He learned his lesson with not bringing one a while ago, finding the day to be unbearable. He would chew on his shirt sleeves, and the stylists would get fussy about it. So he started packing them, but Jisung thinks that was his first mistake. 

“Boys!” Their manager calls, gathering the members together in the dressing room. The boys gather round, confused on why their manager yelled for all of them, and why he seems so serious. 

“What’s up hyung?” Chan asks, trying to find the answers immediately. Their manager gestures to the makeup artists behind him, as if to make a point. 

“One of the makeup artists found this left in her chair,” and he holds up Jisung’s pacifier. Jisung’s heart sinks into his stomach, anxiety coming on strong.

“She thinks it belongs to one of you, and so we’re looking for the owner. Who does this belong to?” He examines the room, and Jisung can feel himself break into a cold sweat. A long pause happens, but then it’s broken by a sudden outburst. 

“It’s mine! My cousin had a baby, and when I was playing with him I left it in my pocket. Thanks for finding it hyung,” Minho lies. 

“Come get it then,” their manager says, and Minho calmly collects the blue pacifier. 

“I’m glad you had a real reason for this boys. The makeup artist was convinced it belonged to an adult, and not a baby. I told her that was absolute insanity, and that grown adults don’t use pacifiers. That would just be too weird,” the man laughs, walking away from the members once he’s done. The words stick in Jisung’s head, playing like a sick mantra over and over. “Grown adults don’t use pacifiers.” “That would be too weird.” “It’s insanity.” He feels like he’s going to throw up. 

He starts to wonder if he should hold back from relying on them so heavily. No matter how much he needs it, how much he likes them, he’ll ignore it. He can wean himself off of his dependence, and he won’t have to deal with these risks. When Minho slips him the pacifier later in the car, Jisung clenches his fist tightly around it. He storms into his room, pacifier still in hand as he digs through his things for his other ones. Once he’s collected all of his pacifiers, Jisung shoves them in the back of a drawer he doesn’t use. He covers them with a towel, and vows to never open that drawer again. 

It doesn’t make him feel any better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this answered like none of the questions you all have LMFAO im sorry. its the point though and also its fun ^^ please keep leaving comments i love hearing what you all think. i'll keep working on chapter nine in the meantime!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a brief moment where someone feels overwhelmed with anxiety. its not described/detailed that much, but i'm warning for it just in case!

“You’re so stupid. You can’t figure out your own feelings, and you’re a bad friend because of it. Kim Seungmin you are failing.” The thought haunts Seungmin every day and every night. He feels like he’s tried everything to fix this; he’s played with Jisung in headspace, he’s worked on improving their friendship again. He’s even tried caring for him instead, preparing bottles or helping Jisung with small tasks while he’s regressed. He doesn’t feel it’s strange or wrong anymore, but he still can’t figure out the root of the discomfort sitting tightly in his chest. Seungmin has decided that he must be mentally blocking out whatever it is. His subconscious must not want him to know, and that’s why he has to sort this out. For his sanity and the sake of the group, Seungmin needs to throw down the walls his brain has put up. 

Pulling at his hair in frustration, he tries to think of what else he can do. He’s tried it all though, and none of it has made any sort of light bulb pop above his head. There’s only one thing he can come up with to try, but it stirs the anxiety in his chest. Realizing that feeling is exactly the sign that makes it the perfect thing to try, Seungmin takes a shaky breath before going to approach the only person who might be able to help him. 

He knocks on the door, trying to buy himself extra time. His hand migrates to the doorknob, and Seungmin opens it before he backs out. 

Jisung is on his bed, headphones on and head bobbing to whatever he’s listening too. He seems concentrated, not even noticing Seungmin’s presence. The sight almost has him turning around to run away, but before he can someone calls his name. Oh, Seungmin hadn't even noticed Chan was in the room. 

“Hey Minnie, what’s up?” The eldest asks, a soft smile directed his way. Seungmin fidgets where he stands, shifting from foot to foot and rubbing his hands along his arms. 

“I, um. Need to talk to Sungie,” he chokes out. Chan’s mouth makes an “ah” expression, understanding taking over. He stands up from his bed, walking over to where Jisung sits. Chan pulls the headphones off Jisung’s ears, earning himself an annoyed “hyung!” from the boy. 

“Seungminnie needs to talk to you Sungie. I’ll be at the studio if anyone needs me,” Chan says, excusing himself from the room. Jisung sits up on the bed, motioning Seungmin forward. 

He takes a few steps to the bed, sitting down rather awkwardly. He doesn’t know where to start, once again he’s found himself in a conversation where the proper words escape him.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Jisung prompts, head tilted in question. 

“I’ve done all that I could but I can’t figure this out on my own. Jisung, it’s been obvious how weird things got between us since you said you were a— a,” Seungmin can’t say it.

“A little, Minnie, since I said I was a little,” Jisung tells him. Seungmin gives a quick nod in agreement. 

“Right. A little. So it’s been uncomfortable, and it’s sucked because you’re a good friend to me. And I’ve been trying really hard to be ok with it, but something keeps making me anxious. I can’t figure out what it is, but I know it has nothing to do with you anymore. You’re the only one I could think to ask, so please. Do you have any ideas?” Seungmin is near begging for an answer. Jisung hums, seeming to give his plight some thought. 

“Alright, I have one idea, but you can’t get mad at me. You asked for my thoughts, so please don’t get upset.” Seungmin feels like his heart is in his throat at Jisung’s words, but he promises anyway. 

“Okay,” Jisung breathes. “Seungmin, do you have a little space too?” He didn’t see that coming. 

Seungmin’s whole body freezes, mind shutting down as he’s left to absorb and ponder that question. “Do you have a little space?” Does he? Is that what he’s been subconsciously avoiding? Seungmin can’t believe it, no he doesn’t want to believe it. He has no desire to act like a child, so why would he be one of those? It’s fine for Jisung, Seungmin is more than ok with his friend being little, but doing that himself? He can’t breathe. 

“Seungmin, Minnie. Hey, come on breathe,” Jisung coaxes him, hand an anchor holding him down on his shoulders. Seungmin focuses on breathing evenly until he’s doing it without trying, and he thanks Jisung for calming him down. 

“I don’t, I can’t be a little.”

“Why not?” 

“Because… because it doesn’t fit me. I don’t want to do the things you do, and I don’t feel like I need to act that way. I just— that’s not me,” Seungmin mumbles sadly. Jisung smiles at him, thumbs rubbing soothing circles where they still rest on his shoulders. 

“Seungmin, something I’ve learned is everyone’s headspace is different. Mine is pretty young, but yours could be older. You don’t have to want to do baby things to be a little. If you’re not convinced, maybe you should try regressing with me. I can help you, and you can find out if being little is for you or not,” Jisung suggests. Seungmin thinks on Jisung’s advice. It’s not the worst idea, and it will prove to himself and Jisung that he doesn’t have a little headspace. It might even answer his question of what’s been throwing his mood off. Mind made up, Seungmin nods to himself. 

“Okay… I’ll try it.”

“Really?! That’s great Minnie, I promise I’ll help you as much as I can. And if you decide you’re a little it’ll be really fun, we can play together and learn together too!” Jisung sounds excited, so Seungmin smiles through his nerves. 

“Yeah… ” he says, letting Jisung engulf him in a hug. He lets Jisung be happy, but he really feels doubtful about this whole idea. There’s no way he could be a little.

***

Jisung keeps their conversation secret, but Seungmin knows the next time the little regresses, he’ll be expected to regress too. It scares him, and the overwhelming amount of information he’s read has only put him more on edge. Add on the fact that he’ll be in front of all the members while trying it out makes him feel like crying. He doesn’t know if he can do it. 

“Jisung, I can’t,” Seungmin cries, hiding his face in the other’s neck. Small tears roll down from his eyes, and Jisung holds him close. 

“Shh, you don’t have to. No one is forcing you,” Jisung assures him, but it doesn’t make him feel better. He knows no one is forcing him, but he wants to do this. It’s the last resort to making himself feel better, and he can’t back out just because he’s scared. 

“I do have to!” He insists, still crying. 

“Okay, that’s your choice. If you feel like it’s something you need to try, then you should. But if there’s something extra worrying you, we can fix that.”

“I don’t want anyone around when it— when it happens,” Seungmin says, pulling back and looking Jisung in the eyes. 

“Hyunjin can stay, but I can’t do it in front of anyone else. Just you and Jinnie.” Seungmin is too humiliated to let anyone else see him that vulnerable. 

“That can be arranged,” Jisung says gently. Seungmin gives him a genuine smile. 

“When do you wanna try?” Jisung wonders aloud, and Seungmin pauses to really think about it. It’s quiet again in the dorms, the other members having schedules. Hyunjin had to go off to MC for Music Core, and the rest of the members had a fan sign to attend. Jisung hasn’t been going to fan signs due to his anxiety over crowds, and Seungmin is just getting over the flu. The time they’ve spent alone recently has been good for the two and Seungmin has been appreciative of the fact. But with the silence, and the knowledge that Hyunjin will be home before the others, Seungmin thinks there’s no better time than now. He’ll regress today. 

“I— I think I want to try today. When Hyunjin comes home, before the others do.” Jisung looks surprised, but he masks it quickly. An encouraging expression replaces the shock, quelling some of Seungmin’s rising anxiety. 

“Actually that’s a good idea! I‘ve been feeling the need to regress again but haven’t gotten a chance yet,” excitement colors his words, and Seungmin nods his head. He knows Jisung has been extra stressed ever since the incident with their manager. The whole group knows he hasn’t been using his pacifier, and that the loss is affecting the little. Jisung has been needing his headspace more than he used to, and Seungmin has even noticed him having mood swings. Hyunjin has been desperately trying to get the little to accept his pacifiers again, but it’s been no use. Seungmin hopes that regressing today will help the little, he truly needs the relief. 

They hear the door open in that instant, and the two wait where they sit in Jisung’s room. Hyunjin doesn’t fail, coming directly to the boy’s room after taking his jacket and shoes off. He lays his bag down on the floor, smiling brightly at Jisung. 

“Hey Sungie,” the caregiver says, bending down to give Jisung a hug. Jisung returns the hug happily, planting a kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek sloppily. 

“Dada!” He says, making Hyunjin melt. 

“My baby’s feeling little today, huh?” He coos, pinching Jisung’s cheek. Jisung giggles, and Hyunjin turns his attention to Seungmin. 

“Hey Minnie, what’s up?” He asks, giving the other a hug too. Seungmin tenses at the contact, but eases up after a second. He lays his head on Hyunjin’s chest, arms wrapping around his neck. 

“Jinnie,” he mumbles, refusing to let the caregiver go. Jisung is pulling on Hyunjin’s clothes, his fail-proof way to get his caregiver’s attention. 

“Dada! Dada!” The little calls, tone demanding. Hyunjin sighs, having to maneuver so he can give the little his attention, but also not disturb the clingy Seungmin. 

“What lovebug?” He asks, catching sight of the grin on Jisung’s face. 

“Dada, Minnie hyung gon’ try be li’ll’” he says, bouncing on his feet excitedly. Hyunjin looks at the boy in his arms, surprised by the knowledge Jisung just gave him. 

“You’re a little Seungminnie?” He asks. Hyunjin wonders how he didn’t realize before. Seungmin shakes his head no, and furthers Hyunjin’s confusion. 

“Silly Dada! Minnie don’ know if he li’ll like Sungie. He experimen’ing!” Jisung is yelling, and Hyunjin has to remind him about his indoor voice. 

“Oh I see, thank you Sungie!” Hyunjin praises. He pulls Seungmin backwards from his arms, causing the boy to whine in displeasure. Hyunjin shushes him, and Seungmin looks at him pitifully. 

“Minnie, are you feeling little right now?” Hyunjin asks. He needs to know where Seungmin’s head is at to be able to handle this properly. Seungmin shakes his head, remembering after to voice his thoughts instead. 

“No… I’m not little. I— I can’t do it on my own,” he says. Seungmin sniffles a little, still upset, and in a flash Jisung is by them.

“Sungie promised Minnie he’d help! Wanna play with my blocks Minnie?” Jisung holds his blocks in Seungmin’s face, which the other pushes away. It causes Jisung to frown unhappily, and Hyunjin braces for the worst. Jisung has been unbalanced since he gave up his pacifiers, and Hyunjin is worried he’ll have a temper tantrum over Seungmin’s harsh rejection of his favorite toy. However, Jisung seems to brush the moment off, running to and fro to bring over different toys for the other. 

Hyunjin can see Seungmin become more and more overwhelmed with the little’s actions, and thinks quickly about how to help. 

“Lovebug, why don’t you go play with your toys for a little bit, hm?” He tries. Jisung doesn’t like his suggestion, arms crossing and pout forming on his face. 

“Sungie wan’ help!” He stomps his foot to make a point, and Hyunjin sighs. 

“Baby, you will be helping. If you go play with your toys over there, Minnie will see and learn how to play with them too,” Hyunjin tries again. The little thinks it over, and Hyunjin hopes he takes it. 

“Okie Dada!” Jisung exclaims, running off to his toys. Now free to give Seungmin all his attention, Hyunjin turns to the other again. 

“Hey, I’m here to help whatever way you need ok? You’re safe.” Seungmin looks at him with watery eyes, holding his hand out to Hyunjin. Hyunjin grabs it, holding on tightly, rhythmically squeezing for comfort. 

“I’m scared,” Seungmin whispers, fear clouding over him. Hyunjin’s heart breaks for him. 

“You’re fine Minnie, there’s nothing to be scared of,” he assures. Seungmin doesn’t relax any at his words though, tears leaking and hands starting to shake. 

“I d-didn’t want to be little. I can’t b-be. I’m not a bab-y,” he hiccups. 

“Oh, oh sweetie. Just because you might have a little space doesn’t make you a baby. You’re still you, no one will look down on you.”

“I feel floaty when you t-talk to me like that. And seeing Jisungie’s things too. But I don’t know what this means.” 

“Alright, how about I keep talking to you then. I’ll try and talk you down, just breathe easy and relax,” Hyunjin encourages. Seungmin gives him the go ahead, a small please being the signal. 

“Sweetheart, come sit with hyung. Come sit on my lap so we can cuddle,” Hyunjin invites, and Seungmin crawls over to him. He sits in Hyunjin’s lap, body still tense. Hyunjin rubs his hands up and down Seungmin’s arms, trying to give him comfort. 

“Why don’t we play some games? Hyung has some drawing games, do you wanna try it cutie?” Seungmin’s wide eyes are pleading, a tiny yes barely audible. Hyunjin pulls up the game, handing his phone to Seungmin. He watches the boy focus on the phone, finger moving wildly across the screen. Seungmin starts out making a flower field, drawing different flowers articulately. 

“Good job honey! It’s so pretty! You’re a really good artist,” Hyunjin gives him praise after praise. 

“T’ank you,” Seungmin says, his speech already slightly slurring. It surprises the boy, his body tensing.

“Shhh, you’re good. Keep coloring for me. I want to see the pretty things you’ll draw cutie.” Seungmin returns his attention to the phone, tongue poking out in his concentration. His meticulous drawings slowly turn into scribbles, and Hyunjin smiles to himself. Seungmin is in his headspace now. 

“Ta da,” Seungmin says, voice still quiet as he returns Hyunjin’s phone to him. Hyunjin looks at the screen, multicolored scribbles decorating it. 

“Wow great job sweetie! What did you make?” 

“It’s a birf’day cake,” Seungmin giggles. 

“A very yummy birthday cake! I’m so impressed!” Seungmin gives him a happy grin. Hyunjin ruffles his hair, feeling his own happiness mounting. 

“Dada!” Jisung’s voice suddenly yells, causing Hyunjin to immediately snap to his attention. Jisung looks annoyed now, the beginnings of a bad mood settling in on his face. 

“What is it lovebug?” 

“P’ay with me!” 

“Jisung, Minnie needs me right now, I’ll play with you in a minute.” 

“No! Pay ‘ttention now!” Jisung throws one of his blocks at the floor, scowling. Hyunjin moves Seungmin off his lap, walking over to where his little is. 

“Jisung, please. Seungmin needs our help right now. I promise Dada will give you all the love and attention soon.”

“No!!” Jisung bursts into tears. Hyunjin panics, picking the little up immediately and moving to soothe his cries. Jisung’s wails are sad, and Hyunjin can’t get him to stop. The sound of Jisung crying sets Seungmin off, and suddenly Hyunjin is overwhelmed with crying littles. 

“Minnie don’t cry!” Hyunjin rushes over to where Seungmin is, sitting down next to him. He tries to move Seungmin into his lap, but Jisung blocks every move. 

“My Dada!” Jisung shrieks. Hyunjin feels like pulling his own hair out. Now is one of the moments where Hyunjin would like to give Jisung his pacifier, but the boy won’t even tell him what he did with them. Hyunjin could kill for that stupid comment that left their manager’s mouth. 

“Lovebug, do you want your paci? You’ll feel so much better,” Hyunjin is desperate. 

“No paci!” Jisung’s voice is more angry than upset now. Sighing, Hyunjin keeps soothing both of the littles. Seungmin had an emotionally overwhelming day, so he ends up falling asleep from his tears. After positioning him safely, Hyunjin continues soothing his other little.

“Lovie, I’m sorry. Please stop crying, Dada loves you the most.” Jisung’s cries start to settle, calming down into small hiccups. 

“Dada loves wuvbug the mos’?” Jisung hiccups. 

“Oh, of course baby. You’re so special to me,” Hyunjin confirms. The little doesn’t say anything else, choosing to cuddle into the caregiver instead. Hyunjin holds him close, and Jisung ends up falling asleep as well. The only one left awake in the room, Hyunjin finally has his own time to relax. His day has been long, with having to spontaneously take care of two littles after working all day. Laying back in the bed, settled between the two littles, Hyunjin opens his phone. And his own form of relaxation begins. 

***

  
“It sounds rough in there. Should we go see if Hyunjin needs help?”

“I don’t think they want to be interrupted, the door is shut. He’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s leave them alone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've all been waiting so long for this i hope it was worth the wait ^^ let me know what you thought in the comments! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/changbindata)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/levantermp3)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung and seungmin try to make things work.

Jisung clenches his fist, rubbing at his eyes. They’re stingy, and he wants to cry. His Dada isn’t in the room, and he would throw a fit, but Papa asked him to be a good boy. Jisung loves his Papa, so he’ll be good. 

“Papa,” he whines, lifting his arms in the air. Jisung wants to be lifted, but his Papa isn’t picking him up fast enough.

“Papa, up!” He whines again. Finally, his Papa picks him up, and Jisung places his head on his shoulder. His thumb enters his mouth, Jisung sucking on it as his eyes close. It’s not the same as his paci, but Jisung is too big for paci’s. He shouldn’t have them. A tear slides down his cheek from his closed eyes, thumb falling from his mouth as he nuzzles closer to his Papa. 

***

It’s been hard. Jisung is happy for his friend, happy that Seungmin has figured himself out. But it’s also caused more problems than Jisung wanted to deal with. 

Hyunjin hasn’t been able to take care of him as much as before, now focused on helping Seungmin accept himself and find someone to care for him. The absence of one of his caregivers, and Jisung’s self inflicted boycott of pacifiers, has been draining. When Jisung needs to slip, Hyunjin is in a corner whispering with Seungmin. 

It’s caused him and Jeongin to get closer, and spend more time with each other. Jisung has loved that part of it, discovering that the younger is really fun to play with. 

“Papa, I wan’ play feet game!” Jisung squeals, running over and stepping onto his Papa’s feet. He turns around, and grabs onto his Papa’s hands for balance, giggling some more. 

“Papa walk!” He exclaims, waiting excitedly for when Papa picks their feet up and walks them across the floor. His Papa’s feet don’t move, and Jisung begins to pout. 

“Bunny, Papa’s feet hurt. Let’s do another game,” His Papa begs him. 

Jisung feels his eyes get wet, lower lip wobbling funny. His Papa doesn’t want to play with him, and he’s hurt. 

“Papa don’t wan’ play with Bunny? Papa too tired for Bunny?” He sniffs. He doesn’t let his Papa talk, running away to the corner of the room. He must’ve done something not good to make Papa not want to play their feet game, and Jisung saw on TV bad boy’s go in corners. 

“Bunny! What are you doing? Of course I want to play with you, come out of the corner. My good Bunny doesn’t stand in corners!” Suddenly Papa is pulling him away, and Jisung gets more upset. 

“No! Papa don’ think Bunny good boy! Bunny need to stand in corner to make Papa happy!” He sobs. 

“No sweetheart, that’s not true. Come on, let’s play the feet game. Papa can do it.” Jisung looks at him sideways, not knowing if his Papa is tricking him or not. He chooses to try it out, stepping back up onto his Papa’s feet. His Papa walks them around, but Jisung is still upset. The feeling doesn’t leave, and he hops off his Papa’s feet. He stares at the ground sadly, trying to hold his sadness in. 

“Jisung, Bunny, what’s wrong?” 

A sniffle, “I’ve got the saddies.” 

“Oh honey, let me hug you,” His Papa opens his arms. Jisung shakes his head. 

“No hug Papa,” Jisung walks over to the couch. He stares at the TV, wishing his shows were on. 

“Papa, where is picture?” Jisung asks, confused. 

“It’s off. I’ll turn it on for you baby.”

“T’ank you Papa,” Jisung remembers his manners. Eyes glued to the TV, he forgets his saddies for a little while. His favorite picture is on, the colorful characters of Spider-Man flashing. 

“‘Pider-Man is cool,” he says, pointing at the TV. Papa sits beside him, pulling him into his side. Jisung cuddles against him, a fuzzy blanket keeping him warm. He shares it with his Papa, pulling the edges of the blanket till it covers his Papa. 

“Spider-Man is cool,” Papa agrees. They watch the movie quietly, and Jisung hopes for a better day. A day where he has both his Papa and his Dada. 

***

Jisung pouts, kicking at his blankets with his feet. He’s awake, and Papa isn’t with him. His Papa promised he’d nap with him, but he’s gone. Jisung gets out of his bed, arms crossed as he goes to find his Papa. Before he can walk out of the door, a voice sounds. 

“Bunny?” It asks. Jisung turns around, finding his Papa sitting on the other bed in the room. Jisung uncrosses his arms, walking over to his Papa and pushing the thingies on his Papa away. He crawls into the space he made, smiling at the thingies making a mess. 

“Papa, you make mess,” he laughs. Jeongin gasps in fake horror. 

“I did not make that mess! You made the mess!” Jisung is non-stop giggling, pointing at the floor. 

“Papa did it! Papa did it! Papa messy!” He squeals, his Papa suddenly tickling him. Jisung rolls around on the bed, laughing high pitched. His Papa gives up, leaving him panting. 

“Alright, I made a mess. Does my cute Bunny want to help me clean it up?”

“No!” Jisung giggles, running away back to his bed. He climbs under the covers, hiding from his Papa. A shadow falls over the blanket he’s hiding under, and it’s scary. Jisung shrieks, the blankets being pulled off him. He comes face to face with his Papa, but all Jisung sees is “Monster!!” 

He clings to his bed, trying to get away. The monster wins, scooping him up from his safe spot. 

“Monster! Ah!” He yells, squirming to get away. 

“This monster is going to eat you!” Jisung screams, raspberries being blown into his neck. Jisung’s let go from the monster, back on his bed. Under the blankies, he puts his thumb in his mouth. 

“Aww, Bunny is still tired isn’t he? Papa is sorry, he’ll lay down with you now.” Being held in his Papa’s arms, Jisung feels loved. 

***

“Two, three, four,” Jeongin counts. He points at the small pile of cars before them, showing Jisung what the numbers look like. The little has been interested in counting lately, showing off to Jeongin any chance he gets. Jisung has counted how many eyes Jeongin has, and how many blocks he has (even though he can only count to seven.) Taking notice of his interest, the caregiver came up with a game for him to play. They started with bottle caps, and have worked their way up to bigger items, like the cars. Jisung was interested at first, but Jeongin can see him spacing out now, and it worries him. 

“Papa, I see Dada today?” The little asks, eyes hopeful. 

“I’m sorry sweetie, but Dada is busy today,” Jeongin says sadly. 

“Okay Papa,” Jisung’s small voice is sad, and Jeongin feels guilty for having to tell him no once again. Jisung focuses back in on his counting, and Jeongin goes back to helping him. They move up to counting how many books Jisung has, which leads to the caregiver reading him a story. Jeongin feels how attached Jisung is becoming to him, and how their bond is strengthening. He’s proud and happy about it, but wishes it didn’t come at the price it has. There’s nothing to do though, so he puts his all into caring for Jisung, and he knows the little can tell. When he gets kisses on the cheek, or random hugs, it’s Jisung’s way of saying thank you. It’s all the reward he could need. 

***

“I need y-your help again.” Seungmin stands in front of Hyunjin, shuffling his feet. He’s nervous, but also excited, because he knows Hyunjin can help him feel better. Seungmin still can’t bring himself to regress on his own, but he’s improved with asking for help when he needs it. 

“Feeling little today?” Hyunjin smiles, approaching Seungmin slowly. Seungmin doesn’t shrink in on himself like usual, standing tall and not moving when Hyunjin nears closer. 

“Yes,” he says. He’s sure of this, he needs it today. 

“Okay cutie,” Hyunjin sits them down on the floor, telling him to sit criss-cross applesauce. The caregiver always says calling things cute names helps make a little feel smaller, and Seungmin can’t help but agree. Sitting across from Seungmin, Hyunjin starts to sing a nursery rhyme. 

Seungmin squeals when he recognizes the song, beginning to sing over Hyunjin. 

“Daddy Bear is fat, Mama Bear is thin, baby bear is too cute!” Seungmin is practically yelling now, bouncing in place. Hyunjin finishes the song, his voice bright and squeaky, playing it up for the little. 

“Yay!! More!” Seungmin giggles, clapping his hands. Hyunjin grins, beginning to sing “head shoulders knees and toes.” They go through a few more songs before Hyunjin runs out, and then he starts the birthday song. 

“No birthday!” Seungmin points out. Hyunjin throws his hands in the air, pretending exasperation. 

“It’s someone’s birthday though! Not yours, not mine, but someone else has a birthday today,” he reasons. Hyunjin should’ve remembered that he was essentially reasoning with a child. 

“No birthday!” 

“Alright, what do you want to sing then?”

“Three bears!”

“Again?”

“Three bears!”

“Alright, alright,” Hyunjin laughs, and starts the song again. 

***

“Jinnie,” Hyunjin hears a little voice call for him. He looks from his desk to the doorway of his room, seeing Seungmin standing there. Seungmin only refers to him as “Jinnie” when he’s little, and he can’t hold back his surprise. He pushes back from his chair, standing up and rushing to the little. Hyunjin pulls Seungmin into the room, leading him over to the designated corner of the room. 

Hyunjin has decorated a corner of his shared room with little things. He created it the first time Jisung called him Dada, wanting a comfortable and safe space for the little to play in when Hyunjin is in his room. It’s got a bean bag chair, a small plastic desk, and some toys scattered around. Hyunjin has found that he’s been using the spot the most for Seungmin recently, as he’s been preoccupied with helping him adjust to little space as the most “experienced” caregiver in the dorm. Jisung has been spending extra time with Jeongin lately, so Hyunjin tries not to worry about him. He still does worry, but Hyunjin also knows that Jeongin is very capable as a caregiver. 

“Cutie, are you little right now?”

“Uh huh,” Seungmin answers. Hyunjin smiles, pulling him into a hug. 

“That’s good cutie! You regressed all on your own, and you knew to come find me. I’m so proud of you!” Hyunjin coos, ruffling Seungmin’s hair. 

“Jinnie, where is puppy?” The little tilts his head in question. Hyunjin nods his head, pulling the stuffed puppy Seungmin is looking for off the little’s bunk bed. 

“Here’s puppy! He was sleeping on your bed,” Hyunjin hands the stuffed dog to the boy, and Seungmin snuggles it immediately. 

“Love puppy,” he murmurs, petting the fur. 

“Why don’t you and puppy play a game together?”

“Yeah!” Seungmin yells, tucking his stuffed puppy under his arm as he searches for a game to play. He finds a ball, and places the stuffed animal on the floor. Hyunjin watches Seungmin run away from the puppy, until he’s directly across from him. Ball in his hand, Seungmin begins a game of passing the ball with his puppy. 

Since the puppy is inanimate, Hyunjin crouches behind the animal, and passes the ball back for it. The game goes on for a while, Seungmin giggling every now and then when Hyunjin passes the ball back to him. Halfway through he starts making sound effects, whooshes and bo-ing noises every time the ball rolls. It has Seungmin cracking up in no time. 

Hyunjin is proud of how far the little has come since this first began, and thinks that he might be ready for bigger challenges soon. Now that he’s regressed on his own for the first time, Hyunjin is sure there’s nothing left Seungmin can’t tackle. He’ll bring it up soon, but for now he continues their play, letting the boy have his carefree fun. 

***

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin’s tone is serious. Seungmin has an idea what this could be about, an unsettled feeling overcoming him. 

“Hyunjin.” 

“Since I started helping you regress in private, you’ve made a lot of progress. I’m happy for you, but we can’t keep doing this in secret. I think it might be time we tell the other members?”

“Why, why would we do that?” Seungmin asks, shoulders tensing. 

“To make it easier for you! You can be little more often if the others know, and you don’t have to be confined to a stuffy room. Maybe you’ll find someone you want to take care of you,” Hyunjin suggests. He can’t help but admit that Hyunjin made some good points, but he’s still not sold on the idea. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for that...”

“That’s fine too, but think on it a little, okay Minnie?”

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” 

“Thank you,” Hyunjin drops the subject after that. 

Seungmin thinks hard on Hyunjin’s suggestion, and he slowly adjusts to the idea. Everyone was very supportive when Jisung first brought the world of little space and regression to them (Seungmin himself was the only hesitant one), there’s nothing to worry about there. Embarrassment holds him back, but Seungmin also knows he can’t keep this a secret forever. 

He is forced to contemplate having a caregiver too. Seungmin does want one, and as nice as Hyunjin has been since Seungmin’s discovery, he feels no attachment to him that way. He’s a good caregiver, but Seungmin doesn’t ever see himself forming a bond like that with him. 

After a long while of thinking, Seungmin decides to do it. He’ll tell the members, and then he can be little in front of them. Like Hyunjin suggested, he might even find someone willing to take care of him! He wants that, he definitely does. 

The next day he tells Hyunjin. The other is excited and supportive of him, and that reassures Seungmin more than he thought. He knows when he tells the members about his discovery, that they’ll support him. This’ll work out, Seungmin is confident in that. Everything will fall into place. 

***

Jisung and Seungmin are both little, the first time together since Seungmin’s confession to the group. Jisung is super hyper, dragging Hyunjin everywhere around the living room. This is the first time the two have gotten to spend together in forever, and the little is overflowing with his happiness. 

Seungmin is playing by himself, focusing on a specific toy. He’s been obsessed with one of the big dinosaur toys they’ve collected, making up stories as he makes it roar and stomp around. Hyunjin’s kept half an eye on him the whole time, while trying to give Jisung as much of his attention as possible. 

“Dada, ladybug!” Jisung points at a sticker, voice impossibly high. 

“That’s such a cool sticker, lovebug,” Hyunjin assures him. Jisung suddenly gasps, shock falling over his face. 

“I’m like ladybug! Both bug’s!” The wonder in his voice is adorable, and Hyunjin doesn’t stop himself from pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“That’s right, you’re both bugs. The prettiest, cutest bugs.” Jisung is absolutely gleeful, pointing at more stickers. 

Across the room, Seungmin is still playing by himself. Hyunjin hears the boy call out for someone, a “hyung” echoing across the room. Seungmin has strictly called him “Jinnie”, but Hyunjin doesn’t know who else “hyung” could be other than himself. He’s prepared to walk over to the boy, but then Seungmin stands from his place and drags Minho off the couch. 

It’s surprising, to say the least. Hyunjin didn’t expect Seungmin to show much interest in the other members, considering he’s so shy in little space. His current playing with the older member clearly proves Hyunjin wrong. 

“Dada, ‘ttention!” A hand is on Hyunjin’s face, forcefully turning him to face Jisung. Hyunjin lets out a laugh, shocked by the boldness of Jisung. 

“I’m sorry lovebug, was I not giving you enough attention?” Hyunjin asks him cutely. Jisung nods to him, hand dropping from his face now that all of Hyunjin’s focus is on him. 

“Play, Dada.”

“Okay baby, what do you wanna play? Dada is all yours.” 

***

Jisung stares at his dresser drawer. It’s glaring at him, mocking him with its contents. Jisung wonders why he didn’t just throw them away, why he hid them instead. Just the knowledge of their presence teases him, tempts him. 

Jisung has more reasons than his shame of being too old for them to throw away the pacifiers. One of the reasons being he’s embarrassed of his slip up in the dressing room, and if he can’t even handle his comfort items responsibly, then he shouldn’t have them. Jisung shouldn’t rely on others to make up excuses for him. 

He didn’t think it would affect him this much is another reason, but boy was he wrong. With the loss, he’s taken to chewing and sucking other things. It’s not the same, nor does it provide him the same level of comfort, but he’s managing. 

Hands shaking where he has them balled into fists, Jisung makes himself walk away. He walks into the main room of their dorm, but what he walks in on makes him feel sick. 

Seungmin sits on the couch, with Jisung’s caregivers on either side of him. He’s holding both their hands, and Jisung can’t stand this anymore. Head clouding over, he storms to the couch, pulling Jeongin up by the wrist and wrapping his arms around him. 

“Mine,” he says, attitude lacing his voice. Everyone in the room stares at him in shock, and Jeongin pushes him back by the shoulders a bit. 

“Jisung, what’s up?” He asks. Jisung can’t stop his snarl. 

“He’s taken Hyunjin already, he can’t have you too! You’re supposed to be my caregiver, so why are you holding another little’s hand?!” His chest is heaving with his anger, face turning red. 

“Jisung, please calm down,” Hyunjin tries to placate him from the couch, but it only fuels his bad mood. 

“You can’t tell me to calm down! I never even see you anymore! You’re always with him!”

“I’m trying to help him Jisung! Seungmin is new to this-“ 

“Not like I know any more than he does! I’m just as new to this!” 

“It’s not the same. Seungmin doesn’t have anyone-“ 

“And who’s fault is that-!“

“Minho hyung,” Seungmin whimpers suddenly, interrupting Hyunjin and Jisung’s arguing. It’s quiet again, this time all eyes on Seungmin instead of Jisung. 

“What?” Jisung asks, harsh. Seungmin begins to sniffle, eyes darting around the room. “I want Minho hyung.” Jisung scoffs. 

“Of course, this is still about you. Fine, I’ll go get Minho hyung,” he rolls his eyes, leaving the room hastily to find the older boy. 

He finds Minho in his bed, phone in his hand. He doesn’t say a word, just snatches Minho up and out of the room. The older is saying something, maybe cursing him out, but Jisung can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. Adrenaline pumps through his body as he re-enters the main room, releasing Minho and pushing him into the center. 

Seungmin bursts into tears when he sees the older, and Minho rushes to the couch. Jisung watches in confusion as Minho soothes him, fingers carding through Seungmin’s hair. He doesn’t say anything to the other, just gives soothing touches. Jisung doesn’t understand what’s going on. 

“Jisung...” Hyunjin calls for his attention. He turns his gaze back to the caregiver, expression giving nothing away. Jisung is still mad and hurt, but he purposefully keeps his poker face. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin says. That throws Jisung off, not expecting the sudden apology. 

“You’re sorry?” 

“Yes I’m sorry. I can tell I've hurt you by just disappearing like that. I have a reason though,” he weakly defends, 

“What’s the reason then?” He asks, not being able to drop the slightly bratty tone. 

“I was helping Seungmin adjust to headspace. And when I wasn’t helping him with that, I was helping Minho learn to be a caregiver,” he says. Jisung is shocked, Seungmin wants Minho to be his caregiver? 

“I don’t understand… when did all this happen?” Jisung surely noticed Hyunjin’s absence, but he hadn’t noticed anything between Seungmin and Minho. 

“Well, after Seungmin figured out that he is also a little, he came to me. He wanted me to help him, and Seungmin is our friend, one of our members. I couldn’t just tell him I wouldn’t help,” Hyunjin begins. 

“We soon figured out that he couldn’t regress without being talked down, so for a while that’s all we did. I’d talk him down, Seungmin would be little, his stress would decrease. Repeat the next time.”

“Then, he regressed on his own. I didn’t talk him down at all, and it was after that when we decided to tell everyone else about him. And after that, when you two were little together, Seungmin showed interest in Minho for the first time.”

“I can take it from here,” Minho interjects. Hyunjin gestures for Minho to start, and so the older starts his story. 

“On that day, Seungmin came up to me. He called me “hyung” cutely, and dragged me off to play with him. I did play with him, and it went really well, I thought he was cute. And then soon after Seungmin asked if I would be with him when he’s little in private. I was confused why he’d want me there, but I agreed anyway. Again, I played with him, and he ended up jamming his finger. When he was crying, I was able to calm him down easily. I just kept joining after that,” Minho pauses his story. 

Jisung is becoming antsy with how long this story is, and he shifts from foot to foot in his irritation. Jisung wants to snap at him to hurry, to finish what he has to say. Minho starts again anyway, so Jisung doesn’t accidentally lose his temper. 

“Eventually, Seungmin told me he wanted me to be his caregiver, it was… such a confusing moment to me. Why would he want me to take care of him? Our friendship is more play fights and bickering than anything else, I couldn’t see why I would be his first choice for comfort. But then Seungmin explained that our friendship when he’s not in little space can be different from the one when he is feeling little, and it made sense. So, once I thought it over, I decided to give it a try.”

Hyunjin picks up the explanation again, “I started to teach everything I’ve learned to Minho. I tried to rush it, because I was worried about being away from you for so long and I missed you. But it still took too long, and I ended up neglecting you. I couldn’t be more sorry for that.” Hyunjin’s eyes fill with tears, Jisung has to look away. 

“Okay well, even with all that...” Jisung trails off. He stares off to the side, fighting against his emotions that are trying to break through. 

“E-even with all that… did you really have to leave m-e?” Jisung shrinks into himself, hiccuping back tears. Hyunjin scrambles from the couch, scooping his little into his arms. Jisung clings to Hyunjin hard, nails digging in as an anchor so the other can’t get away. 

“Oh lovebug, Dada is so, so sorry. He never meant to make you feel abandoned. You’re Dada’s special baby, I could never leave you,” Hyunjin is fighting back his own tears, heart breaking at having been the reason Jisung is hurt so deeply. 

“I miss Dada,” he sobs. Jisung cries in Hyunjin’s arms for an immeasurable amount of time, he lost track forever ago. At some point Jeongin joins their hug, the three of them crying together. Jisung’s head feels floaty, on the edge of dropping but not quite there. 

“Dada, Papa,” he says their names, feeling safe. 

“Lovebug, you look exhausted,” Hyunjin coos, fingers tickling under Jisung’s chin. 

“Sleepies?” Jisung asks, big tired eyes looking at the two caregivers. His Papa and Dada melt before his eyes, and tell him yes. The three leave the main room, Jisung letting his Dada carry him away. They’re in his room, Jisung’s stuffie bear “Snow'' waiting for him. Jisung hugs his stuffie tight, and waits for Dada and Papa to get in the bed too. 

His Dada squeezes him from the back, and his Papa faces his front. Between the two people he loves most, with his bear snow, Jisung is finally content. Tiredness from everything weighing on his little mind, Jisung sleeps easily. 

***

“Jisung, won’t you please tell us where your pacifiers are. Did you throw them away?” 

Jisung doesn’t say a word, staying mute on the subject. Jeongin groans, giving up for the moment. Jisung is a mess from lunch, and he needs a new shirt. He walks to their room, going over to Jisung’s dresser to pick out a new shirt for him. 

He finds nothing suitable in any of the drawers he opens, so Jeongin is just about to give up and grab his own clothes. But then he catches sight of a drawer he overlooked, and an idea sparks. Maybe it has extra shirts, something soft and suitable for the little. Jeongin pulls it open, and he stares. 

In the place he thought would be spare shirts, Jeongin finds an old blanket. It’s familiar, and Jeongin knows it belongs to Jisung. He picks up the old blanket, and something comes tumbling out of it. 

Clanking in the drawer, Jeongin comes face to face with Jisung’s pacifiers. He’s in shock, disbelieving that he found them. Pink and yellow, that specific blue, and the sparkly purple all stare back at him. He picks the blue one up in his hand, examining it in the light. The plastic glints as he turns it around, and then Jeongin clenches the pacifier in his palm. 

He leaves the bedroom, a new mission in mind. Setting his sights on the kitchen, Jeongin walks in with a purpose. He sees Jisung still sitting at the table, messy shirt clinging to him. It seems in his absence that Jisung managed to spill his drink on himself too, making the fabric of his already destroyed shirt cling to his skin. 

He stands in front of Jisung, looking at the little. Jisung sends him a silly face, clearly in a bubbly mood. Jeongin feels bad that he’s about to derail that.

“Bunny,” he starts. 

“Papa,” Jisung repeats, laughing at the way he copied Jeongin. 

“Bunny… I found something. You wanna see?” 

“Yes! Wanna see!” 

Jeongin takes a deep breath, holding his hand out and opening it. Jisung’s face drops when he sees what Jeongin has. 

“Bunny, why did you hide your paci’s?” Jisung’s lower lip quivers. 

“Don’ wan paci.” 

Jeongin makes a surprised “oh?” 

“If Bunny didn’t want his paci’s why didn’t he throw them away?”

“Don’ know where can is,” Jisung lies. Jeongin knows the little is familiar with the location of their trash can, he’s thrown away the caregiver’s phone before. He spent an hour digging it out and cleaning it off that day. 

Just then, Jeongin catches sight of Minho bringing Seungmin in for lunch. The presence of the other little sparks an idea in Jeongin, and he doesn’t wait before he acts on it. 

“Seungminnie,” he calls. He gets the little’s attention, and Jeongin shows him the pacifier. At this point, Jisung is looking back and forth between the pacifier and Seungmin, apprehension on his face. “Jisungie doesn’t want his paci’s anymore. Do you wanna try one yourself?” 

Seungmin stares at the blue pacifier, thinking face in place. Jeongin can anticipate his answer, but before Seungmin can even speak Jisung is reacting.

“No! Mine!” He yells, hand reaching forward and snatching the pacifier from Jeongin. Seungmin shrugs, looking away as he lets Minho set him up at the table. Jisung shoves the pacifier in his mouth once he has it, sucking on it immediately. Tears begin to run down his cheeks, and Jeongin can’t stop the “aw” he lets out. The sight is sad, and he opens his arms to enclose the little in them. 

“Oh, oh, our little crybaby. It’s ok Bunny, shh don’t cry,” he comforts. Jeongin feels a bit guilty, but he was never going to actually give his pacifier to Seungmin. Still he hates being the reason for his tears, and he thumbs them away as they trickle down. 

Hyunjin turns around from where he was cleaning up the mess from lunch time at the sound of Jisung’s tears. Jeongin can hear him walk over, and suddenly the other boy is wrapping both Jeongin and Jisung up in a hug. Jisung’s one hand is tracing the shape of his pacifier, while the other migrates to clench Hyunjin’s shirt. With his head on Jeongin’s shoulder, Jisung has a firm grip on both of the caregivers. 

It’s clear to the both of them that Jisung has accepted his pacifiers back for good. Neither of them could imagine Jisung not wanting the item again, the way his eyes are drooping in his comfort shows how safe he feels. 

The worst has finally ended, and the two caregivers are glad for it. No more can get in their way, and Jeongin can feel the weight lifting from his shoulders. Of course they’re not free from things going wrong, but they know that. If things do go wrong again though, Jeongin knows they can handle it. They’ve handled and worked through every obstacle imaginable, there’s nothing that he doesn’t think they’re strong enough to get through. 

The roadblocks are done for now, no more hills or pot holes looming in front of them. Before them is only happiness and calm, and the trio is more than ready for it. They’re ready to be happy, and to continue building their relationship as caregivers and little. 

Their time is now, and they’re excited to experience it. 

  
BONUS 

“Dada, wan baba!” Jisung comes running through the kitchen like a bull in a china shop. He flashes by so quickly Hyunjin almost doesn’t see him, but then he’s back and he’s pulling on Hyunjin’s clothes again.

“Dada! Baba!”

“That’s not how we ask for a baba, is it lovebug?” Hyunjin reminds. 

“Dada, I wan’ baba, p’ease?” Hyunjin melts at the cute words, and moves to make Jisung a bottle. He grabs one of Jisung’s decorative bottles, the one with a cow on the front. The plastic surrounding the nipple is orange, and it’s one of Jisung’s favorites. He fills it, and then hands it to the little. Jisung happily runs out of the kitchen and back to the main room, resuming his play. 

As Jisung arrives back in the main room, he sees Seungmin still playing where he last saw him. Seungmin doesn’t like to run with him, he thinks Jisung’s games are too little for him. Jisung gets sad when Seungmin doesn’t run, but he doesn’t want his friend to be angry with him. One time he dragged Minnie while he ran, and the other yelled at him. It hurt his feelings. He hasn’t tried again. 

But seeing his Minnie still playing with the boring puzzles upsets him for some reason. Minnie doesn’t look bored, but he thinks he must be. Jisung doesn’t know how to make his Minnie unbored. He looks at his baba, and he gasps. He knows how to help with him being unbored!

“Minnie need baba!” He whispers to himself. Jisung runs away again, slipping because of his sockies. He keeps going even though he slipped, because Minnie still needs a baba!

“Dada! Dada! Minnie need baba!” He pants. Running makes Jisungie tired. 

“Oh he does? I thought Seungminnie didn’t like bottles?”

“No Dada! Minnie need baba now!” Jisung gets stuck, but then remembers to say “p’ease.” 

“What kind of baba does Minnie need then?” Jisung thinks really hard. His head feels ouchy from thinking so hard, but then he knows. 

“Minnie need ele’pant baba!” His Dada makes the baba quickly, and Jisung runs back to Seungmin. 

“Minnie!” He screams. His Minnie jumps, because Jisung accidentally screamed in his ear. 

“Ow Sunnie!” Jisung cowers, feeling sad. Is Minnie mad at him? 

“Sowry for yellin’ Minnie.”

“It’s ok Sunnie.” Seungmin shrugs, letting it go quickly. Jisung is happy again. 

“Baba is for you Minnie!” He shoves the baba into Minnie’s arms, bouncing as he waits for Minnie’s reaction. 

“Sunnie, I don’t want a bottle. Bottles are for little babies.”

Jisung feels so sad, he really wanted Minnie to take the baba. 

“Minnie, p’ease. Baba have ele’pant,” he insists.

Minnie looks at the room, and Jisung sees him stop at Minho. Minho is Minnie’s hyungie, and he makes his booboo's ok. Jisung thinks Minho is nice.

“Hyungie, can I have a baba?” Minnie’s voice sounds scared.

“Of course you can!”

“Really? No one will make f-fun of me?” 

“No Seungminnie, no one here will make fun-“ 

“I beat ‘em up!” Jisung yells again. No one hurt his Minnie. 

“Sunnie, inside voice.”

“Sowry Minnie.” Then, Minnie takes the baba from his hands. Jisung squeals, he's so happy. 

“Yay!! We have baba together! Now go see pictures!” Jisung drags Seungmin to the TV. 

The two littles sit on the couch and watch cartoons while drinking their bottles, and the sight is adorable. Their caregivers watch on fondly, proud of how well the two get along. Suddenly, Seungmin makes a comment about finding Patrick stupid, and Spongebob is better. Jisung disagrees, and the two start a small fight. Even still, the caregivers are still proud, for it’s the most tame fight they’ve had. They’re doing good. 

***

“I’m gonna scare them,” Felix whispers. His eyes are trained on the littles, mischievous glint in his eyes. Minho cackles, while Hyunjin is a little more skeptical. 

“I don’t know… Jisung is pretty easily frightened, you could give him a heart attack.”

“That’s kind of the point Hyunjinnie,” Minho snorts, eyes still trained on the littles playing.

“You really want to do that to Seungmin?” Hyunjin doesn’t understand Minho’s ways sometimes. 

“Come on, it’ll be really funny!”

“Ugh fine, do what you want. But I’m blaming you both when they pee their pants.” 

The two boys are coloring, completely still as they work on their own pictures. Felix takes the opportunity and sneaks up behind them, tip toeing like a villain in a cartoon. Once he’s behind the two, Felix brings his hands down on their shoulders and screams “boo!” 

The two littles scream loudly, real fear lacing their voices. Jisung falls out of his chair, and Seungmin stands up from his. Seungmin bolts from the table he was sitting at, running to where Minho is trying not to laugh from the side. 

“Hyungie!” He cries, clinging to Minho’s torso. 

“Aww poor Seungminnie. Did the big mean Felix scare you?” He coos, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. Seungmin nods into Minho’s chest, too scared to come out and look. 

“It was your idea too-“ 

“Blah blah blah!” Minho shouts over Hyunjin, the other caregiver halfway across the room attending to his own little. 

“Jisungie, lovebug, it’s ok. Felix was just playing around, no one is going to hurt you,” he shushes, rocking the boy in his arms. 

“I’m sorry Jisung and Seungmin,” Felix apologises. The littles still won’t look up, but Jisung says a small “it’s okay Lix hyung.” 

They sure do have a bunch of scaredy cats on their hands. 

***

Jisung’s tongue pokes out as he focuses on his feet. Jeongin was dressing the little for the day, when Jisung demanded that he put his socks on himself. Jeongin found no choice but to indulge him, and Jisung ran out of the room with his bare feet and socks in his hands. He’s been on the floor for five minutes now, trying to get them on. Jeongin wants to help him so bad, but he can feel that Jisung would reject him. As he watches the boy miss his toes for the tenth time, Jeongin is just about to go help when Seungmin comes out of nowhere. 

“What’cha doing Sunnie?” He asks. 

“Putting sockies on,” the little replies, his frustration seeping through. 

“Is it hard?” Seungmin questions. Jisung tells him it is hard, never stopping his quest. 

“Can I help?” Jeongin is shocked when Jisung drops his hands to his lap, and nods his head. Seungmin moves forward quickly, grabbing Jisung’s hands. He makes them both hold the sock open, and then move the sock down and over Jisung’s foot. Seungmin repeats it with the second one, and lets go when it’s done. 

Jisung whirls around and pulls Seungmin into a tight hug. 

“T’ank you Minnie.”

“Welcome Sunnie.”

“Was it hard?” Jisung repeats Seungmin’s previous sentence. Jeongin smiles at Seungmin’s sweet reply. 

“It was, but it’s ok. We did it together!” 

  
***

The two littles are exhausted. Hyunjin can’t count on two hands how many meltdowns he’s had to put out today. Jisung has been refusing his nap all day, and the boy’s exhaustion has resulted in one cranky baby. Seungmin is also in need of a nap, but the two littles refuse to slow down. 

They don’t want to stop playing together, going from one game to the next. Hyunjin has seen them play dress up (Seungmin as a cowboy and Jisung as a superhero), he’s seen them play construction (using fake hammers and saws), and he’s even seen them doing jumping jacks. 

The jumping jacks were the final straw, and before anyone got hurt Hyunjin grabbed them. He stopped them quickly, and placed them on the couch together. He ran around gathering blankets and pillows, and made a little bed on the floor of their main room. Hyunjin figures if there was a cool bed on the floor, the two might be more apt to settle down on it. 

“Lovebug, do you want to lay on this cool bed down here?” He asks.

“Okay Dada,” Jisung crawls off the couch and onto the floor, getting on the makeshift bed. Once Jisung is on the floor, Hyunjin moves onto Seungmin. He gets the other on the bed too. 

Hyunjin can’t leave the two boys alone, but he needs to get Jisung’s pacifier if he wants any hope of getting him to relax. Jeongin and Minho are both in the room, and Hyunjin doesn’t hesitate on asking them for help. 

“Innie, can you go get Jisungie a paci?”

“Sure, I’ll be right back.”

“I’m going to get Seungmin his puppy,” Minho says, leaving the room right away. 

Hyunjin watches over the littles, making sure they don’t get up from their spots. Jeongin and Minho are back quickly, handing the items over to Hyunjin. He gives Jisung the pacifier, the boy taking it and putting it in his mouth immediately. Seungmin cuddles his puppy upon getting it, holding it close to himself. Seeing Seungmin with his puppy, Jisung calls out for Jeongin. 

“Papa, get Snow?” He asks, voice beyond tired. Jeongin goes and gets the white bear, bringing it back to Jisung. All the things the boys need to settle down are found, the three caregivers watch as they begin to cuddle each other. Jisung snuggles into Seungmin’s chest, and Seungmin rests his head against the top of Jisung’s. Their eyes begin to close, and then they’re finally passed out. 

Hyunjin sags against the couch, groaning at the stiffness of his body. Minho and Jeongin follow suit, letting out their own noises due to the aches and stiffness of chasing after two child-like boys. 

“They say when the baby is asleep, the mom should sleep too,” Minho mumbles suddenly. After a prolonged silence, Jeongin breaks it. 

“Are you calling us moms?”

“Yes,” Minho says in a heartbeat. 

“Well, then shut and let’s sleep,” Hyunjin butts in, too tired to listen to them any longer. Thankfully the room grows quiet, and it’s peaceful. For the first time all day it’s not hectic, and he soaks in the calm. He hopes this nap lasts long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this is the end..i can't believe it. i wanted to give you guys a bigger warning that it was ending, but i originally had this split into multiple chapters, so i didn't see this coming either. while writing this chapter though i realized everything i had planned for later fit pretty well together, and i thought it would be fun to get it all at once! this is a lot more than the usual 2k updates after all :) this was a wild ride, because when i first posted this it was supposed to be finished. roadblocks was kind of an experiment since i started it without a concrete plan, but i'm really happy with how it turned out. i'm sad it's over because i'm actually attached to this verse now, but i am allowing you guys to send requests for it! i have a cc and a twitter that i'll link again, and you can send any request to there or we could just talk about the story too if you want!
> 
> if you read this long note then thank you, if you didn't well its ok I expected that,,,, please leave comments and kudos about what you thought! 
> 
> **I'm going to post a poll on what i should work on next on my twt so please go vote. theres another little space story in it so if you'd like to see more! go there :} 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/changbindata)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/levantermp3)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! this is the first story i'm posting like this and I was kind of nervous about it. though it's not my first time writing something like this, i've never posted one so i'm also a bit excited. i put a lot of research into this to make it as accurate as possible, so i hope its enjoyable! as always I appreciate any kudos or comments :) please let me know if this is something you want to see more from me!


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